"...so much to say and no language to say it in"*

i confess. i have coweringly postponed the posting of "the news".

how does one blog about something so completely life-altering? it's a daunting and tremblesome task, emotionally comparable to the President's delivery of a memorial address two days ago.**

you must give a speech. everyone already knows what you will say, but you still have to say it. and make it sound new and unexpected and engaging. the information is neither new nor unexpected, so your audience will likely concentrate on style rather than content. it is style that engages...or exhausts.

you want to use those weary, worn-out words because, for you, they have taken on new life.

miracle. future. joy. life. love.

but you know these empty clichés only clash with your heart-filled purpose.

how do you polish a word to make it convey truth when everyday use has so cheapened its meaning?

a miracle is not the nearest parking space at the mall.
a future is not a dream job with six figures.
joy is not clean dishes.
life is not a sport.
love is not mcdonald's.

what these things are, we will continue to discover little by little. and we will spend lifetimes trying to articulate the revelation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*from My Name is Aram, by William Saroyan
**i am aware of the pretentiousness of this claim--forgive me if i overstate my case

maybe a quarter-life crisis...or just a stirring in my soul

(props to anyone who recognizes the title of this post)

i definitely wouldn't call it a 'crisis', because that term carries such negativity that it doesn't describe at all what life post-25th-birthday has been for me. i would rather say it has been a turning point, or a getting-over-the-early-twenties-plateau, as it were.

un punto de partida.

i also wouldn't call it 'quarter-life'--i mean how many people really live to be 100? maybe someone invented that term so as not to admit that they were probably 1/3 of the way through. (if you're bad with fractions, that's even more than a quarter)

anyway, in light of the irrecuperability of an estimated one-third of my life span, i've decided i'd better start acting like a kid again. taking chances. learning new things. possibly looking stupid and not caring.

it started with the knitting, right around the time of my half-birthday back in december. that's in full throttle now, and you've all got handmade Christmas presents coming up. but knitting is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, and if you make a mistake, no one has to know about it. (except darren, who will attest to the dramatic rise in my use of profanity when i am knitting. and all you people thought it was a relaxing and brainless activity...)

just after the big-two-fiver, i joined a karate class. though i had no previous knowledge whatsoever of karate, it's a freaking blast. and (youngest child--must brag about every little thing!) my sensei said i was progressing really quickly.

even though i can hardly stand up right now due to monday's karate class, i am hooked. not just on karate, but on trying things i'm not sure i can really do.

so last night, on a whim, i auditioned for The Tempest with the fabulous Karen the Great (Karen the Fabulously Great?). i made this decision not knowing that the audition would involve singing.

by myself.

in front of strangers.

those who know me well can imagine my horror at the idea.



and i was cast...
...
...
...
as a member of the chorus.

yes, i am quite shocked. i'm also really excited, especially since the part i was going for (Miranda) might've been a bit much for a super-busy rookie with not as much time to practice as she would like to believe.

(unlike the never-busy-and-actually-quite-lazy (ha!) Karen the Spectacular, who was cast in a lead role as Evil Woman Usurper, a.k.a. Antonia.)

so, if you've ever asked me to sing and i vehemently refused, or if you've never seen karen's evil side, here's your chance!

i post; therefore, i am*

given the long delays between posts on everyone else's blog lately**, i don't really feel obliged to begin with the typical apology. but i will give a explanation of my descent into blogospheric obscurity by way of a brief update in the lives of the grems.

we have been cleaning our house.

it's more exciting than it seems, really. we ditched an ungodly amount of junk which, in our post-matrimonial rush to get settled in, we apparently had just hidden wherever we found space. we organized and appropriately stored what we had left. we've also purchased a few accessories to give each room some shred of character or consistency, and we tossed a bunch of unwanted knickknacks we'd accumulated over God-knows-how-long.

less clutter = easier to clean = less stress.

likewise,

less clutter = more relaxing atmosphere = less stress.

to make a long story short, we're really excited about our new, clean home, and everyone should come see it while it still looks this way!!!

other than this life-changing process, darren and i have both been teaching reading classes, and darren has been writing up a storm on his dissertation prospectus. and i'll be taking karate lessons starting next thursday, so you only have six days left to make me mad before i will know how to really mess you up. watch out.

i've also been running a lot of errands, many having to do with our home makeover, which leads me to my final comments before knitting myself to sleep. i'd like to thank the following people for making today as successful and pleasant as a full day of running errands can be:

1-Darren--for taking the initiative on most of the house-cleaning/purging/reorganizing process. and for helping with dinner.

2-Michael's--for having a "1/2 off all custom framing sale***" that has finally allowed me to frame a huge sepia-tone print of grand central station in 1939.

3-the nice teenage cashier in Target who, unsolicited, passed on his mom's tip to use both sides of the swifter sheet before throwing it out.

4-the kind manager at the Shell station who gave me a free upgrade (from "express" to "the works") on my car wash since it wasn't working the day i paid for it.

5-the pleasant, possibly indian, owner of the new package store around the corner. for opening a new package store around the corner.



*holla if you caught my meticulously correct punctuation. minus the capitalization.

**rather than link all of them in the text, i will simply direct you to the side bar.

***sale ends this weekend.

through the eyes of a 50 year old stoner

so, i went to the eye doctor today. mainly because the right lens popped out of my glasses, and i'm tired of fixing it myself, but also because my eyesight has gotten notably worse from spending the past four months glued to a computer screen. and because i've been seeing this little spot floating around in my right eye for at least a month.

so, they fixed the frames (permanently, i hope), gave me an eye exam, and dilated my eyes to check out the mysterious spot. that's where the fun begins.

while i was waiting for them to finish up my new lenses, i wandered over to the GAP and New York & Co to look for a new white t-shirt and white sleeveless shirt--must-haves for a hot summer of teaching and pretending to be all professional. can't show up to class with a dingy white shirt on!

anyway, the ever-so-nice-though-probably-not-sincere GAP employee kindly told me her name and to find her if i needed anything...while i most likely had a bizarre look on my face as i tried to get her face in focus. remember--dilated eyes.

i'm pretty sure she thought i was high, and i'm pretty sure she went and told all her GAP buddies that some girl was totally stoned and asking about white tops. so now i know how stoned people feel when they shop at the GAP: paranoid.

back at the eye store, i had to sign my credit card receipt, which was also rather embarassing, since my pupils were the size of tangerines. this meant that to find the appropriate line to sign, i had to--oh, yes--hold the receipt at arm's length. now i also know how it feels to be fifty.

on a positive note, though, my vision is only slightly worse prescription-wise, and the 'floater' is harmless and not a sign of anything serious. and, since i don't graduate until saturday, my conscience was perfectly clear as i used my student discount for the last time. for now, at least.

Ode ao quiejo quente

O queijo quente
O amo muito profundamente.
Quando estou com fome,
Eu penso em seu nome.
Minha amiga me apresentou você,
e agora é o tema preferido de Josué.*
Preciso come-lo todo o dia,
e isto me da muita alegria.
Quando eu estou a seu lado,
Meu espírito diz obrigado.
Na aula de português,
Escrevi sobre você con rapidez.
O queijo quente,
O amo, obviamente.

~Amy Hernández

*Josué é o nome de nosso professor de português

[tradução em inglês:

Oh, hot cheese,
I love you profoundly.
When I am hungry,
I think on your name.
My friend introduced you to me,
And now you're the favorite topic of Josh.
I need to eat you all day long,
And this gives me much happiness.
When I am by your side,
My spirit says thank you.
In Portuguese class,
I wrote about you very quickly.
Oh, hot cheese,
I love, obviously.]

Easter, baskets, eggs and chickens

these have all played an important part in my week thus far.

first, we had a lovely Easter, complete with family (mostly via telephone), friends, food, and...Easter baskets! mine contained a stuffed bunny that smells like chocolate. pretty fantastic.

speaking of baskets, remember the old aphorism "don't put all your eggs in one basket"?



wise folks, those aphorists. while there were no eggs in my Easter basket, i had unwittingly put a lot of proverbial eggs in the a certain proverbial basket labeled 'Getting Hired as a Spanish Instructor at UGA for the Academic Year 2006-2007'. you know, eggs like "how we will make money for the next year" and "how i will evaluate my own skill and value as a person with an MA in Spanish Literature". clearly, those eggs belong in another basket.

okay, so that metaphor is getting a little out of hand. let's move on to the chickens. yes, yes, the chickens you're not supposed to count before they hatch. apparently, i also had been doing just that, subconsciously of course, when i considered being hired as an instructor as a given (since i had been awarded an Outstanding Teaching Award by the same department one month prior).

i think you can see where this is going. jenna, the chicken-counting basket-stuffer did not, in fact, get hired.



after the initial splattering of eggs on the ground (remember, the ones of financial security & self-esteem?), i've now decided to take a different stance on the whole situation. for one thing, i can now sympathize with some dear friends in similar situations, and put my money (or lack of it) where my mouth is. that is, believe what i've been telling others about how God is our source of worth and provision, not our job (or...lack of it).

as this is an issue with which God really likes to beat me over the head, i would appreciate your prayers.

so, coming back to Easter, that afternoon, i was surrounded by folks for whom God has been faithfully providing despite difficult circumstances. i am poignantly reminded of His grace to us, which comprises the real reason we celebrate Easter. He has made the ultimate provision, a substitute to pay for our outstanding debt to him. what else do i have to worry about?

for those who thought it wasn't me

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Shatter Ninja Your Superpower is Paranormal Your Weakness is Crystals Your Weapon is Your Golden Saber Your Mode of Transportation is Dinosaur

What's your Superhero Name?

Favorite Uncle John Quotation of the Day

"Don't be surprised if you get a hangover along the way to redemption."

a post so interesting, you'd think i wrote it myself!

April Fools' Day Origin

There are several explanations for the origin of April Fools' Day, but here is the most plausible one. April 1st was once New Year's Day in France. In 1582, Pope Gregory declared the adoption of his Gregorian calendar to replace the Julian calendar and New Year's Day was officially changed to January 1st. It took awhile for everyone in France to hear the news of this major change and others obstinately refused to accept the new calendar, so a lot of people continued to celebrate New Year's Day on the first of April – earning them the name April fools. The April fools were subjected to ridicule and practical jokes and the tradition was born. The butts of these pranks were first called poisson d'avril or April fish because a young naive fish is easily caught. A common practice was to hook a paper fish on the back of someone as a joke. This evolved over time and a custom of prank-playing continues on the first day of April.

and on a completely unrelated sidenote, happy birthday to cool hand crawdaddy longlegs wraparound.

stress relief

the other day darren and i were taking some, um, online quizzes together...for like an hour or two...because we're dorks. very fun way to learn new things about your hubby/wifey. there was one question, though, that threw us for a loop. not a big loop, but a little "hmmmm" loop: "What do you do on a stressful day to make yourself feel better?" some of the choices were watch tv, take a nap, go buy lots of stuff, talk to friends, etc.

to my surprise, darren thought i should put "go buy things". i mean, i like to shop, so there is some truth to his assessment of me. but on stressful days, i will usually just buy one little thing. like fun socks or a cool shirt on sale. does that really count?

this, then, made me wonder if i actually do shop to relieve stress. which would be bad. because we're in GRAD SCHOOL. so i've been paying extra careful attention to my stress management strategies this week....

which brings me to today. it had all the makings of a bad day, especially since i was expecting a good one.

to begin with, i got up before dawn. i should've known this was a bad idea--it leaves way too much time for things to go wrong. but, i got up before dawn anyway, with the purpose of going to the gym, showering there, and getting to work on my thesis by about 9am. getting things done relieves stress, right? right.

the exercise was great. all downhill from there, though. painfully downhill, since i strained my IT band (again) while doing 15 minutes of warmup walking on a stupid elliptical machine. this makes for a lot of pain walking down hills (like i have to do everyday to get to one building where i teach) and steps (like i have to use everyday to get to my floor in the other, newly renovated building where i teach--which has no elevator.)

even after the straining, i was still in a pretty good mood, as long as i wasn't walking anywhere. i went to my department and planned my lesson for today. done. and getting things done relieves stress.

then i went to starbuck's and purchased a delicious vanilla latte to be had as i sat down to work at the corner of downtown athens on a perfect 76-degrees-and-cloudy-so-the-sun's-not-even-in-my-eyes kind of day.

but what's this? my computer gives me an error message saying it basically hates me, it hates itself, and it wishes i would just go throw it in a dumpster down the street. either that or melt my jump drive in a fire somewhere. the two apparently have not been getting along. and here i am in the middle of an electronic love triangle:

jump drive not liking laptop, but working fine with desktop. desktop finds out about jump drive's escapades with laptop and starts picking fights with jump drive, too. chapter-i'm-supposed-to-be-writing gets corrupted by fighting parents and locks himself in a dark room somewhere, not giving me permission to come in.

fortunately, sneaky me found a way to get to the file...after another hour and a half (involving a little anger, some colorful words, and a painful walk back to my department).

this puts us at roughly 12:45. i teach from 1:25 to 3:20. then i realize i haven't eaten since that cup of yogurt before sunrise, and i'm stressed because getting things done relieves stress, and i haven't gotten anything done.

so (back to the point of this post), what do i do?



THIS.

this, my friends, is a homemade veggie sandwich on ciabatta bread brushed with olive oil and toasted, complete with greek style hummus, cucumbers, monterey jack cheese, plum tomatoes, banana peppers, garlic and herb feta, avocado, and sundried tomato vinaigrette dressing.

what does this mean? that i pig out when i'm stressed? sometimes, but that's not really it. no more than the shopping theory.

when i'm stressed, i do something i'm good at. like using a dangling preposition. and i am good at making myself a sandwich. i make myself pretty much the best sandwiches i've ever eaten. and the pleasure's as much in the making as in the eating.

same with shopping. i am pretty awesome at finding great deals on things. and that's why it's so satisfying. the pleasure's as much in the deal-ing (?) as in the wearing.

and, finally, i am darn good at rambling on my blog about silly things in order to ultimately give myself a compliment on my sandwich-making abilities. but don't come asking me to make you one--i've got a chapter to write.

fun things

just thought i'd share the highlights of st. paddy's day, and a few shots of daily life since then.

be sure to find a hiding critter in this photo--at first i thought it was my own reflection, until i realized that was physically impossible...

















here's why i really married darren--i wanted our children to learn how to drink guinness the right way.


















and here's a game of scrabble the other night. darren pretty much got played under the table...


















by Feral Cat

















and finally,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KAREN!!!
woohoo!

Thesis Quotation of the Day

"In a way, I think Shakespeare was a Nuyorican."

~Miguel Algarín, founder, Nuyorican Poets Cafe

Lisa, Dr. Seuss and Blogthings

Thing One:

mad props to KTG for pointing me to 'the quiz to end all quizzes'.

Thing Two:

correction--i'm apparently not Totally Addicted to Blogthings Quizzes.

You Are 53% Addicted to Blogthings

You're a Blogthings fiend - addicted but not totally dependent. So what if you know your personality type by heart? And while you may feel like Blogthings is crack... There are people much worse off than you!

How Addicted To Blogthings Are You?

the donut theory

those of you who have known me for a while have surely heard my donut theory. well, it finally caught on, and now there's a online quiz for it.

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you. But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft. You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily. You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

there are only two flaws with this analysis:

1) i do like to change it up pretty often, so the pouting thing...not so much. i'll eat any kind of donut, or anything sweet for that matter.

2) technically, i'm not a krispy kreme boston creme donut, because they fill it with that super-sugary icing kind of creme. i prefer the bavarian creme inside. while darren argues that this makes me the type of donut that doesn't exist, it actually does at dunkin donuts.

and by the way, i am totally addicted to online quizzes, if you couldn't tell...

on irishivitariousness

first, in an obnoxious show of youngest-child arrogance, i'd like to point out that mine is the only unpinchable blog in this circle of bloggers. and that it, as well as the picture it contains, were irishy long before this funnest of all fun holidays.

i have to do it, because i look less irish than all my irish-ancestry diaspora friends, family & husband. it's the cherokee in me, poor under-holidayed heritage...

that said, here's a Post O'tribute to those who beat me to St. Paddy's Day Blogging:

Your Irish Name Is...

Izett Flynn

What's your Irish Name?

You're 55% Irish

You're very Irish, and most likely from Ireland. (And if you're not, you should be!)

How Irish Are You?

also, if you're not so much enjoying the holiday, if you're lamenting lost loves that broke up with you in April (the cruelest month)...here's some comfort.

That said, I'm now going to use my Irish heritage as an excuse to celebrate in the midst of thesis-writing...

Erin go bragh!!!

to beg or not to beg?

Gilbert Gottfried is appearing at the Georgia Theatre in Athens on Wednesday.

Which begs the question:

Is Gottfried desperate for an audience or is the Georgia Theatre desperate for a show?

"The hedonistic and play elements in culture are as important as the intellectual" (Alan Swingewood, The Myth of Mass Culture)

i'm a big fan of life

Top 10 Reasons To Give Blood


1. You will get free juice and cookies. mmmmm...nutterbutters....

2. You will weigh less - one pint less when you leave than when you came in.

3. It's easy and convenient - it only takes about an hour and you can make the donation at a donor center, or at one of the many Red Cross mobile blood drives.

4. It's something you can spare - most people have blood to spare... yet, there is still not enough to go around. even broke grad students can spare it!

5. Nobody can ask you to do any heavy lifting as long as you have the bandage on. You can wear it for as long as you like. It's your badge of honor. in other words, milk it!

6. You will walk a little taller afterwards - you will feel good about yourself. not to mention people will think you're a good person.

7. You will be helping to ensure that blood is there when you or someone close to you may need it. Most people don't think they'll ever need blood, but many do.

8. It's something you can do on equal footing with the rich and famous - blood is something money can't buy. Only something one person can give to another. take that rich and famous!

9. You will be someone's hero - you may give a newborn, a child, a mother or a father, a brother, or a sister another chance at life. In fact, you may help save up to three lives with just one donation. i'm a type-o hero! my donor card says so!

10. It's the right thing to do. that's right, all you no-blood-giving heathens.

okay, you're not really heathens. well, you might be, but not for witholding your blood. do try to give blood soon if you can, though, since there is a shortage due to all the cold weather up north. apparently northerners give a lot of blood, and southerners need a lot of it.

and so you can be as good a person as me. and as important as bill gates. take that rich and famous!

(sorry, i've been really enjoying #8...)

this just in

A new psychological study has recently shown that spending extended hours in a 4ft x 4ft room that is entirely undecorated except for sixty books bound in solid red, blue or green covers may have detrimental effects on a person's ability to sense such things as heat, cold, hunger, thirst, and wetness.

In one such case, the subject, having been permitted to leave the room after 6.2 hours, walked unsheltered into pouring rain at 57° Farenheit with no detectable signs of displeasure. Some researchers believed they even saw a smile on the subject's face as she headed slowly to an unknown destination.

Studies later showed that the 24 year old white female walked directly to a computer laboratory and began composing a message on a weblog, as known as a blog.

on concreteness.... concretivity.... concretion.... hmmmm.

i've only recently discovered the immediate-gratificationariness...of concrete production, regardless of quality or quantity.

it started with learning to knit back in november (thanks anita!!!). of course, my scarf was hideous at first, and instead of getting better, it has only gotten more hilarious. but the act of producing something that i could feel & hold in my hands & say "I MADE THIS!" was eerily satisfying and even calming during a semester of high stress (when i shouldn't have been doing ANYthing but sleeping, eating and writing).

now i am trying to convince myself that these things i am studying and writing for my thesis, these "ideas" or "postulations" if you will, are in fact concrete. well, they will be once i print them out & hold in my hand a hard copy & say "I MADE THIS!".

at least that's what i'm telling myself. and if it doesn't do the therapeutic trick, then i'll have to go knit something.

but, for now, i can boldly proclaim to the world that i have, indeed, started the concretiary productionation of my thesis! all 462 words of it!!!

and they're rock solid, baby.




[the Rock explaining what I will deliver to the Big Bad Thesis Boogeyman on April 1st, 2006]