Floor Plans

Most of you reading this post know that Darren, the kids and I will be moving up to New Haven, Connecticut in the next month or so. While waiting in a doctor's office today, I started to think of the many, many things I will miss about Athens once we leave. Since I was trying not to lose my composure completely, I steered my thoughts toward one of my favorite aspects of this little town—the food. That is, I started mentally listing all the amazing dishes that I know I exactly where to find in Athens whenever the mood strikes me.

Just as I was beginning to debate (yes, with myself) about where each dish would fall in a top-ten list, I had a sudden, vivid recollection of the last time I made a major move. I was so much younger that, believe it or not, I hadn't yet developed the near-obsession I have with good food today.

I'm sitting in my seventh-grade English classroom at Sweetwater Middle School, having just moved to Lawrenceville from Raleigh a few weeks beforehand. The school system here is completely different than the one at the magnet school I've been attending in Raleigh, and all the material in my classes here is review from the past two years there. Needless to say, I am bored and utterly tuned out to what is going on around me.

Here's the weird part, which I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit because I'm sure some of you will think, “That's weird.” To bide the time until my next class, I start drawing, to the very best of my ability, the floor plan of my old middle school in Raleigh. To my 12 year old brain, my old school was far superior to this tiny place. It had three separate buildings, two of which had two stories and were enormous. The third was a later addition where such classes as dance and painting were taught. It did have trailers, like any middle school, but they housed not only French and Spanish classes, but also Russian, Japanese and German. I remember even explaining to a friend of mine how we needed a full 10 minutes for class changes because the school was so big that it was like high schools in Georgia.

But seriously, the floor plan?

And until today, I couldn't quite make sense of why in the world I would obsess so much over that. Now I think, just like my need to list in order of most importance my favorite entrees and desserts in Athens, I was trying to somehow quantify the experience of missing a place that felt so much like home. Then, most of my days were spent in that school. My most meaningful interactions took place there, and I discovered a lot about myself in the year and a half that I attended it.

Here, I have spent an unbelievable amount of time building friendships, studying, and even working in my favorite restaurants and cafes downtown. I know I've dumped obscene amounts of money and time into these places in exchange for the social interactions, and the incredible treats, they have provided. And I know it will be a very sad day when I start to crave Five Star Day's Chicken and Dumplings, and I have to scour a new city in hopes of finding anything that even remotely compares. Or anyone to call up at a moment's notice to meet me there...

I know there's no way to quantify the way that the past 11 years have turned Athens into the only place I've ever really called home, and I know this is just one of the many tricks I will try to play on myself to make it less painful to leave. But just for kicks, here's the list, or at least a rough draft:

Top Ten Foods I Will Miss in Athens:

(in no particular order, because I got distracted from that debate with myself)

1. Mirko's Tiramisu

2. Five Star Day's Chicken and Dumplings (also, Fried Green Tomatoes, Soul Chicken Pasta, Garden Club...)

3. Cookies'n'Company's Curry Chicken Salad on a Croissant (yeah, they've already closed, but I still miss it!)

4. The Grill's Fries and Feta

5. Cali'n'Tito's Tostones

6. Walker's Coffee (hey, coffee is food.)

7. Trappeze (everything. beer is also food.)

8. Casa Mia's Latin Sushi Roll

9. Ike and Jane's Elvis Donut (peanut butter, banana, bacon. on a donut.)

10. Chick-Fil-A (it's not just Athens, I know, but what are the chances of finding one in New Haven???)

Fount of Every Blessing

Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace.

Streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount; I’m fixed upon it, mount of God’s unchanging love.

Today was a good day.

I woke up slowly next to a husband who loves me more than I will ever be able to comprehend.

Lily was stirring in the cradle, which had been hand-carved by a dear friend’s father and lent to us as a symbol that we are not just friends but family. Darren picked her up and laid her in the bed between us. Even a month after her birth, we still are so taken with our second child that we just gazed at her quietly together.

Next, Will came down the steps and into our room—a rare occasion since he usually calls to us to come upstairs when he wakes up. He snuggled up with the rest of us, giggled and played with his toy trains for a while. Even our cat curled up at my feet to complete the magazine cliché of a happy young family. The intellectual in me considered making some joke about how we had finally attained the bourgeois ideal of happiness and security, but I found myself too content to risk ruining a moment of such quiet joy.

Of course, the day picked up steam. Coffee, Thomas videos, showers, breakfast, dishes, email. Just as I was rushing off to my karate class, Darren handed me the credit card to do a little post-maternity shopping. At class, I was invigorated to be able to exercise at almost my pre-caesarean level; shopping for new clothes at my pre-pregnancy size was even more exciting.

In the late afternoon, our whole family went to a relaxed, delightful party at a local park. Even the weather was perfect. Darren went to meet a friend for a round of golf, and I took the kids home. Lily stayed asleep while I put Will to bed a full hour and a half early, then she woke up right on time for her early evening feeding. She went back to sleep immediately, and I drew a bath with aromatic lavender bubbles that were a gift from my (step)Mom when Will was born. And I poured a glass of red wine that another close friend had brought over earlier in the week.

It was while I was sitting in the bath that I began to reflect on how incredibly good the day had been. Here I was, soaking in a garden tub in a house we should never have been able to afford, drinking wine that I didn’t buy, and reflecting on all the goodness I’ve just described. Afterward, I would put on brand new pajamas (not the only thing I bought with the Discover card) and a rich lotion that came as a free gift with my purchase. For a moment, I thought, “I should feel guilty about this. It’s all so frivolous and unnecessary, and there are so many people who deserve this more than I do.”

That led me to the question, “Where is the place for luxury in the Christian life?” Surely, comfort and luxury are not to be sought after; we are to seek after Christ. But there are times, like today, when luxury seems to be dumped in our laps. What are we to do? Should we renounce them categorically, since our only true need is for God’s love and the redeeming work of Christ? Or, should we enjoy them with the mindset that God has created wonderful things both for His pleasure and our own? Is mere thankfulness enough to justify this enjoyment? Where does sacrifice and ‘dying to self’ fit into this picture?

Then, I began to reconsider the question altogether. I am calling these things luxury: a loving family, a beautiful house, a peaceful evening. But that must mean that there are things to which I feel entitled, things which I don’t consider luxury but necessity. Food, shelter, work, peace of mind. These aren’t blessings—they are things I assume God should give me.

In light of the Gospel, however, I know I am a depraved sinner who deserves nothing but God’s judgment and wrath. Both Darren and I have become keenly aware of this truth in the past year, and particularly in the past couple weeks, as we work through some incredibly difficult situations together. It is a truth that leaves little room for categories: anything good is luxury, and I don’t deserve any of it.

I don’t write this out of guilt or asceticism. Quite the opposite—this points at the true freedom found in the Gospel. I can enjoy a bubble bath with thankfulness just as I enjoy having food to feed my family or a job to pay the bills. There is no difference. God is the Fount of every blessing, and for the Christian, everything is a blessing: “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Not only that, I also don’t have to fear losing the things I love or enjoy. They are not the source of my contentment or peace of mind, so I know that God will sustain me with or without them. In fact, even our struggles and sufferings are good because God uses them to refine us and to prove His complete provision for all our needs: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

Most of all, knowing that I am not only forgiven but loved by a God who knows every evil thought I’ve ever entertained and every sinful action I’ve ever committed is the most freeing truth of all. This grace and love are the true luxuries, and they are absolutely at the center of the Christian life.

Let that grace now, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Status update:

Jenna thinks she might be over the lime green background for her blog.

A teacher's dream

So, this morning I was thinking about dry erase markers.

For those whose profession doesn't demand much interaction with these writing utensils, there are a couple things you need to know:

1-They are so much better than chalk.

2-But they die much more quickly than chalk.

3- Especially when used on a cheap dry erase board.

4-UGA has cheap dry erase boards.

Presumably, this was an effort to save UGA money. Those of us who can do basic math know, however, that buying one more expensive board, which will last five times as long as its cheap alternative, will ultimately save you more money. And it won't destroy my dry erase markers so quickly, which will save me money, too.

So that is the background information; here's what I was thinking about this morning:

On Tuesday, I somewhat accidentally kept a brand-new dry erase marker that I found in one of my classrooms.

Okay, I did it on purpose because I had left all my markers at home except for one, which the UGA dry erase boards had already bled to death. I tried to justfiy my actions by recalling all the markers I have accidentally left in classrooms that had disappeared when I went to retrieve them.

This brand-new marker then, without warning, began to die a slow and streaky death as I tried to write my students' homework on the board this morning, a mere two days after its very first use.

Then I thought of how the wands in Harry Potter could recognize their true owners and never worked quite as well for other wizards.

(At this point I'd like to point out that it was barely 8:00, and I hadn't had time to finish my coffee this morning. And maybe deep down I do consider myself a wizard who, with my trusty dry erase markers, can magically impart learning to unwilling and oblivious students.)

For a moment, I almost believed that, like a magic wand, this particular marker knew I wasn't its true owner, and, in accordance with some cosmic code of justice regarding stolen teaching resources, it was sabotaging my attempt to write my students' homework on the board. I kind of liked the idea because I think I have stolen far fewer markers than have been stolen from me....

Then, I decided, "No, it's just these cheap dry erase boards at UGA."

And as I was blogging about this whole thinking process, I realized that the real question is not, "Why do dry erase markers die so fast?"

The real question is, "Why in the world are they called 'dry erase' markers?" Last time I checked, chalk uses a dry eraser, too.

For example:

This morning I noted one distinct advantage to teaching at 8am every morning: if I go to use the restroom before class, the toilet seats are still up. Now as a woman, my natural instinct is to be annoyed by this, but it's different at 8am in a public facility. They're still up because no one has used them since they were last cleaned.

And that makes me smile.

Back to blogging!

Why, you ask, would I suddenly take up blogging again after nearly a year-long hiatus?

I blame Facebook. It has changed my life, or at least the way I experience my life.

In short, it has made me start thinking in simple sentences beginning with my own name. Several times a day I think something like, "Jenna is making herself a coffee." Sometimes I get all fancy about it, too: "Jenna has just enjoyed a delightful cup of French press coffee."

It's sad, I know.

Even worse is the whole line of thinking that ensues each time I observe something remotely interesting (to me) about myself, my current state or my current surroundings:

1) Can this observation be condensed into one concise sentence starting with "Jenna Mason Grem"?
2) Am I within reasonable distance of an online connection so that I can update my status with said observation?
3) Is the observation Facebook-worthy in terms of accuracy, importance and wit?
4) Would anybody possibly care to know this piece of information?
5) Would posting this status entertain my friends, or would it give them the impression that I am a perpetual navel-gazer who thinks even the most trivial thoughts should be shared in real time with everyone else I know?

Generally, I hit a "No" somewhere in that series of questions, which is why I often leave the previous status for days after it has ceased to be true, or I just clear my status altogether until I think of something that meets my stringent (haha) criteria.

So, in response to the original question (why blog again?), the answer is that too often some invaluable epiphany occurs in my life that does not meet requirement #1: brevity.

And, what's the difference between Facebook and blogging? Facebook demands brevity, and blogging does not.

So be warned, dear readers (if there are any left): when reading this blog you do hereby assume responsibility for any and all personal risk related to exposure to my long-winded, often inaccurate, unimportant but hopefully still witty, navel-gazing observations about myself and occasionally something else.

cheers.
-jmg

Mommy-dō: My Way of Life

for making

for growing

for baking

for knowing

for preparing

for practicing

for creating

for relaxing

for sweetening things up

for cleaning things up

for heating things up

for beating things up

I guess that just about sums it up.

jmg

March for Babies!

[Some of you may have gotten this message via email (or Facebook, or Myspace...), but I am posting it here because it's important to me that as many people read it as possible. Thanks for understanding!]

I'm sure a lot of you have heard of the March of Dimes organization, which sponsors research to help eliminate birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. This year they have changed the name to "March for Babies" so that everyone will know exactly what the March is about. Also this year, I'm participating for the first time.

As you know, last year we were blessed to have our little William after a pregnancy and delivery completely free of complications. Sadly, I have known several women who have had difficult complications or miscarriages, and two of our close friends lost their babies last year just one month before they were due.

I am participating in the March for Babies this year to honor these friends who have suffered such profound losses. If you are able, please consider donating to the March for Babies to support lifesaving research, services, education and advocacy that help babies get a healthy start.

To donate any amount online, please go to http://www.marchforbabies.org/jennagrem. You can also donate by giving me cash or a check in person.

Even if you are unable to donate, there are other ways to participate in this worthy cause:

1) Forward this email to anyone you think will be interested in participating or donating. Be sure to include the above website in your email.

2) Join a team. I am the team captain of the American Blackbelt Academy team, and everyone is invited to join our team! Just go to http://www.marchforbabies.org/# and search for "American Blackbelt Academy" to join. By joining a team, you can create your own sponsor page where your friends can donate online.

3) Walk! Go to http://www.marchforbabies.org/# to find the time and date of the March for Babies walk nearest you. William and I will be walking at Bishop Park in Athens, Saturday May 3rd at 10am.

Thank you in advance for considering this cause. Feel free to email me with any questions.

Love,
Jenna

April is...

National Poetry Month?

Apparently so--I just got the promotional email from Amazon telling me so. Does that seem ironic to anyone else?*

So anyway, I've been thinking about poetry lately, and how I used to "write poetry," and how so often that has seemed to me like a 14-year-old who wants to be in a band so he can, like, be a rock star, dude.

And I've also been thinking about writing in general, as in, hmmm, maybe I should just sit and write down all the things that go through my head everyday that make me think, "hmmm, I should write that down." Honestly, the only writing I've been doing lately has been reminders to myself about things to do and reminders to students about things to do, like "Please use spell-check" or "Where is your thesis?"

Okay, and I'll admit to being the real writer behind Will's blog, only because it would be a little repetitive if I were to transcribe his actual commentary: "Dat, dat, dog, dat, bear, duck, duck, dat, book, book, book, book, dat." But you see how often I manage to sit down and do that--he has even written about his awesome trip to the beach yet!

So anyway, in an effort to start writing again, I'm going to try to write something everyday. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to use this particular medium to do so, since half the reason I never really write is because I'm so self-conscious about it. I might even go old-school and write in a journal...we'll see.

As for today, I can now officially say I have met my goal. I wrote this.

And on a completely different topic: Happy Birthday to Chris / Uncle Best / Crawdaddy Long-Legs!

~jmg


*that is, to anyone else who has read The Wasteland?

Update

so i figured it was time to give a little update, though i'm not sure anyone even bothers to check my blog anymore since i haven't posted in ages...

as is to be expected, the most interesting things in our lives now all seem to revolve around one particularly cute little boy. since my last post in november, Will has completely mastered sitting up one his own, which we all know is just another way to avoid tummy time! no crawling yet, probably because that would involve being on his tummy for at least a few seconds, which seems to be completely out of the question for the little guy.

he has also gotten sick for the first time--ear infection--and is in the process of getting his first tooth (finally). i'm a little surprised that it's taking so long to come in after it broke through his gums almost a week and a half ago, but what do i know about baby teeth? overall, he's handled the ear infection and teething very well; sometimes he's just a little more clingy & tired than usual.

since he's finally getting teeth and because he sits up so well now, he's started learning to eat finger foods like toast, cheese, and little bits of banana, smashed veggies, etc. needless to say, it's messy but so darn cute! he's also learning to drink from a cup, though his favorite thing to do right now is turn the sippy cup upside down in his lap when i'm not looking & soak his pants with milk. he's a little trickster for sure.

the best news, though, is that he already said his first word! not mama or dada, though. that's way too typical for our little man. nope, his first word was "Cocoa"--the name of the little dachshund at Grandma Deb's house. Of course, for a while he was calling Feral Cat "Cocoa," too, but now he tends to say "ca" when he sees her.

he also seems to understand a lot of what we tell him, like "no," "shake," and "jump." okay, so shaking things and jumping are probably his favorite things to do anyway, but he seems to respond when we tell him to do them, too.

okay, let's see if i can think of anything to say that isn't about how cute & awesome Will is....

well, the semester has started, but i'm still undecided on how i like my new schedule. i teach everyday from 8am to either 9:55 or 10:45, then have office hours & tutoring appointments after that on Mondays and Wednesdays. compared to other teachers, who have to be at school at 6:45 am everyday, then teach all day, then have meetings until 5pm, i know this doesn't sound like a lot. but i am still adjusting to having to plan essentially 4 different preps, since my Tuesday/Thursday classes have different pacing than my Monday/Wednesday/Friday classes, and i teach one section of each level each day. it's taking a lot of planning and organization to stay on top of things, but so far i'm doing okay with it. it actually feels good to be a little 'on top of things,' for a change, even if it's because i couldn't get by any other way!

okay, so writing that much about my schedule is even boring me, so let's move on.

...

well, not much else i can think of. i am currently finishing up a little toy dragon that i made for Will. i personally think he looks kind of silly & not at all like the picture, but darren thinks he's cute. i'm not too worried about Will liking it--he's not very picky as long as he can chew on it!

here's a couple pictures of the-still-unnamed dragon:

i still need to put a face on him:

and i have to hold him up like this because...

apparently he's a water-dragon? that's the only explanation i have for his poor posture. doesn't he look like he's trying to swim?

he is machine washable, so maybe someday he'll be able to live out his dream & take a swim in our washing machine.

and that, dear friends, is where i will leave you. for more info on our vacation & Will's amazing feats, check out his blog www.willymiles.blogspot.com.

Happy New Year!!!

So this elephant walks into a bar...

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=284021&GT1=7703&mpc=1

In keeping with my recent trend

of simply posting a link rather than an actual blog entry, i pose this question:

what happens if he wins?

My day is like this...sans música

No remembro the last time I laughed so hard.

One semester of Spanish Spanish Love Song.

Thanks, Jack, for making my Friday un poco más divertido.

i just couldn't resist

will's smiles are pretty persuasive, you know.

http://www.willymiles.blogspot.com/

enjoy!

the evolution of test day

yep. test days take on a whole new glory when you're the instructor and not the student.

now, you all know that i am a nerd, so i never really minded test days when i was in school. but now...now i absolutely LOVE them.

sure, there's the whole aftermath of test days: all the shell-shocked student expressions, all the grading, all the responding to emails claiming "i don't think we covered #4 in class"* or "i think my answer to #7 should be counted correct".**

but the day itself is blissful. no standing on your feet all day. no repeating yourself six times because various students weren't listening. no answering questions to which they should already know the answers. no having to assume your students understand a point despite their bewildered faces because they refuse to answer a simple yes or no question ("do you understand?").

and no lesson planning. which is how i am able to write this blog post at all.***

now comes the disappointing part: after having dwelled too long on my feelings toward test day and the circumstances that have facilitated this post...i find i don't really have anything else to say.

so here's a list of things that have happened since my last post:

-i earned my blue belt in karate, so i'm no longer considered a beginner. kiaiiiii!
-will is rolling over somewhat consistently from his tummy to his back.
-will is chowing down on the rice cereal. he's a hungry little boy!
-darren and i have flip-flopped our work / Will-watching hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays so i can go to a women's morning Bible study on tuesdays and a mommy playdate on thursdays. may sound silly, but i am pumped!
-i can fit back into almost all of my pre-maternity clothes, which means i might actually have enough clothes to teach in this semester!
-and, finally, i can finally do plenty of push-ups and sit-ups again! well, to be honest, i could never do push-ups before i started taking karate, so now i actually get excited about them (sad, i know). but i used to be able to do sit-ups all day long (okay, not literally), and i was really frustrated that i couldn't even do one after having Will. again, i know it sounds silly, but just the fact that i CAN do them makes me actually makes me WANT to do them. so hopefully that will help me get back into the rest of my clothes....

and, now, i must go give a test. weeeee!



*response: "attendance and note-taking do matter"
**response: "why, because your three weeks of experience with Spanish Literature is more credible than my MA in the subject?", followed by "attendance and note-taking do matter"
***now don't you love test day, too?

what's going on

time for the bi-monthly not-too-terribly-interesting-but-at-least-somewhat-informative blog post!

as you probably know, fall semester started last week, which meant back-to-work-for-real for darren and me. or just me, really, since darren has been working steadily on his dissertation all summer. he's a trooper, that one.

so here's what the crazy schedule looks like so far:

MWF: (that's uga-speak for monday/wednesday/friday)

i teach from 8am until about 1:30pm, so Darren (a.k.a., SuperDad) is in charge of dropping off Will (a.k.a., Mr. Snuggles) at the sitter's (a.k.a., Awesome "Grandma Debbie's") before he teaches from 10am to 12:30pm. i do a little planning after classes, then pick up the little guy around 4:30. we have one glorious hour of playtime and snuggling before i hand him off to daddy and go to karate. by the time i get home, he's usually bathed, fed and sleeping soundly, so it's a quick dinner for darren and me, then bedtime for mommy.

TR: (tuesday/thursday, because abbreviations are a little tough for uga-ers?)

i try to use the 8am-11am window to do some planning while darren watches Will. then, the hand-off, and daddy goes to work while i make up for hardly seeing Will MWF.

the benefits of this schedule:

-we both still get a good amount of quality time with Will, even though we're both working full-time.

-i get a little time to myself, even if it is teaching and planning. it's a reminder that i didn't lose my identity at all by becoming a mom--i just added on to it. and, strangely enough, i have realized again how much i really enjoy teaching.

-Will gets time outside the house and with other people--not just Grandma Debbie, but also a couple other babies from church that Debbie occasionally watches.

-whether it's a direct consequence or not, Will has started napping better! sometimes he'll sleep for a total of 3 hours or more at Debbie's, and at least 2 hours total at home. (hence this blog post!)

the drawbacks so far are few:

-i really miss seeing Will the days i teach and have karate. on the upside, though, i feel like i appreciate my time with him even more, and i feel more patient when he's having a rough day.

-well, 8am classes are never fun, even though it's the most convenient time for us. i am really exhausted at the end of every teaching day. but being able to rest a little on TR makes it bearable.

-apparently our little genius has already learned some math: an earlier bedtime + a few naps = the right to get up at least once during the night. whereas he used to sleep 10 hours straight easily, now he wakes up after about 5 hours. or like last night, after 5 hours, then 3 more hours, then 2 more hours....(that's still very unusual, though). again, we can't complain--plenty of babies don't even sleep 5 hours straight at his age.

overall, things are going smoothly, and we're still counting our blessings everyday. we both have jobs that we love (most of the time) and that manage to pay the bills, we have wonderful family and friends to help us learn the ropes of parenthood, and we have the sweetest, cutest, snuggliest little boy ever.

and just to prove that last point:

allow me to elaborate

"Sometimes there's no coffee in the coffee. I plow through it and it is definitely a coffee area, but there's no coffee in it. I always think they'll (sic) be a little at the bottom of the cup, but there never is. If it's missing at all, it's all missing. The fact is, coffee isn't just a substance--it's an event, and it's manifestation depends on countless subtle conditions, most of which are not speakable."

~Joe Wenderoth, Letters to Wendy's

all i have to say is:

"sometimes there's no coffee in the coffee."

~joe wenderoth

The Case for Spreading Your Stuff Around*

and i don't mean spreading it around to other folks, like sharing the wealth or anything like that, though i'm sure that has it's benefits, too. but i seriously doubt they can stand up to remarkable benefits of leaving your stuff lying around in places it shouldn't be because a) you think it might come in handy there at some point or 2) you're just too lazy to put it back where it belongs.

now, since the birth of our little Will, i have taken to keeping certain things within arm's reach of where i normally feed the little guy (that is, where the little guy subsequently passes out without two seconds' warning and where i often find myself stuck until he wakes up again. i am happy to say that this doesn't happen as often now that we're training him to put himself to sleep in his crib whenever he gets droopy-eyed. but i digress).

such items include, but are not limited to: multiple burp cloths, a couple baby books, a rattle, a receiving blanket, a novel or two of my own, a giant travel mug of water, my cell phone and the tv and dvd remote controls. i think it's self-explanatory why these things come in handy when one is trapped on a sofa for up to 3 hours at a time.

but what, you ask, are the possible benefits of leaving random items out of arm's reach, in such distant places as your car, your office or even a friend's house, simply because you're too lazy to return them to their proper homes? glad you asked. let me tell you a little story about my morning.

phyllis** is staying with us this week so that i can get a headstart on my planning for the fall semester***. though she and ellie have brought down a cot in the past, she finds it just as comfortable to sleep on our sofa, which is where she was this morning as i was getting ready to go teach my 8am class. not wanting to wake her, i didn't bother to turn on the lights to put on my sandals, which were located conveniently by the front door beside darren's flip-flops.

you see where this is going, right?

as i stepped out of the truck on campus, i was shocked to find that i had put on mismatched sandals--one brown and sparkly, one black and old-navy-flip-floppy. i laughed at myself all the way to my department, where, having sufficiently 'spread my stuff around,' i found a complete pair of matched sandals in which to teach. granted, this pair was black, which didn't at all correspond to my brown tank top and brown leopard-spotted skirt, so i still felt compelled to explain myself, in spanish, to my students. they were quite entertained and most likely now think i am a complete airhead.****

just for the record, a list of other random stuff in my office:
a pink fluffy scarf, a bag of microwave popcorn, two sturdy water bottles, a roll of toilet paper, an empty canister that once held coffee, a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head, a list of the caffeine content of various beverages, peanut butter, several pieces of silverware, a can of chicken noodle soup, a stack of paper plates, plastic cups and plastic forks, and a Christmas ornament of a smiling marshmallow knitting while sitting atop a chocolate square and a graham cracker (a.k.a., a s'more).

don't ask.

*what a great topic to make my big blog comeback, right?
**darren's mom, a.k.a. best mother-in-law ever
***i'm teaching introduction to spanish literature, which means i've got a lot of planning now and a lot of grading later
****also worth mentioning are the benefits of having a patient, understanding companion with a good sense of humor. my darling husband did take the time to bring me my other brown sparkly sandal, as well as the lunch i had absentmindedly left in the refrigerator....

Top 5 Ways Grad School Prepares You for Parenthood:

1) Multitasking.
Grad School forces even the most adamant one-thing-at-a-timer to learn the art of multitasking. For example, more often than not, any kind of food is eaten while reading, studying, walking to class, sitting in class, writing papers or grading papers.

For a new parent (stay-at-home moms, especially), any kind of food is eaten while feeding the baby, burping the baby, rocking the baby, entertaining the baby, or praying the baby will stay asleep for 5 more minutes.

2) Prioritizing.
The Grad Student must learn to prioritize tasks and complete them accordingly. While in many other professions this prioritization might depend on the relative importance of each task, in Grad School, it generally depends solely on the official deadline of said tasks. Consequently, tasks without official deadlines often go unaccomplished.

This is why, since Will was born, I have somehow managed to get all the necessary grading done for my Spanish classes, but I still have tons of Thank You notes to write for the many, many gifts we received celebrating his birth.

I blame this mostly on one simple point of confusion: Everyone knows that newlyweds get a full year to send Thank You notes for gifts, just as friends of newlyweds get a full year to send such gifts. But what is the official deadline for newly-parents???

As I said, tasks without official deadlines often go unaccomplished. (I am trying, though!)

3) Irregular Eating Habits.
See "Multitasking." This example assumes, of course, that you manage to eat at all.

4) Limited Time with Friends and Family.
This is related to the problem of official deadlines and prioritization. In terms of importance alone, most Grad students would easily rank friends and family far above the tedious work of Grad School. However, returning that phone call or getting together for that dinner doesn't carry an official deadline, so it often gets put off a little longer than it should. In a way, then, friends and family are being conditioned for the future parenthood of the Grad student as much as the Grad student himself (or herself).

Fortunately, though, your average friend or family member is much more likely to comprehend the demands placed on the parents of a newborn than those placed on a Grad student, unless they themselves have chosen at some point to endure the masochistic nightmare that is Grad School. It's much easier to imagine why a new parent with a screaming baby doesn't answer the phone than to imagine why the same person, staring silently at a blank computer screen, won't return your calls.

So with new parents, friends and family start to preface emails and voicemails with ever-so-kind concessions like, "I know you're really busy, so you don't have to call me back right away...." It's really quite touching.

5) Sleep.
Grad school not only adequately prepares you for the lack of sleep you'll experience as a new parent, it actually over-prepares you.

Grad school makes it possible at 5:30am, having gotten only 3 1/2 hours of sleep that night, to think, "It could be worse. I could be writing a 20-page paper in Spanish on the use of Lacanian linguistics as a basis for a Feminist reading of One Hundred Years of Solitude."

In other words, it's much easier to feed a baby on one-hour spurts of interrupted sleep than it is to write coherent strings of theoretical jargon in a foreign language.


Top 1 Way Grad School Doesn't Prepare You for Parenthood:

1) Coffee.
While doctors agree that a "moderate" amount of caffeine is harmless during the 40 weeks of pregnancy and the many months of nursing that may follow, this allowance is nowhere near the quantity necessary to support the caffeine addiction one likely will develop in Grad School. Therefore, it is recommended to put at least one full year between finishing Grad School and getting pregnant in order to sufficiently wean oneself from this oh-so-tasty drug.