thank God it's sunny out

or i might be having a bad day. but those of you who know me well know that i can't help but be in a blissful mood the first several weeks of spring. (and it didn't even get really cold this year...)

so why might i have been in a bad mood otherwise, you ask? well, it really comes down to three things: pants, receipts and food.

let's start with the pants.

while being pregnant, and especially now that i'm getting rather large, i have really tried to focus on the things i can do instead of things i can't. and because God is gracious, i can still do lots of things.

for instance, karate. i can still do self-defense techniques, jabs and punches, and katas, even though i can't much kick anymore or (sigh) do the crunches and push-ups during our warm-up.

what does this have to do with pants? i'm getting to that.

another thing i can still do, much to even my own surprise, is paint my toenails and shave my legs. be impressed. this is significant because it means i can also wear skirts, capris and sandals. again, those who know me well know how eagerly i await the first chance to don such clothing every spring.

which brings us to the pants. i had this great idea to roll up my maternity jeans today--you know, with big fat cuffs--thus turning them into cute little capris. only said maternity jeans decided not to fit so comfortably. fortunately, a friend in my department has so generously lent me several pairs of pants, including some brown gaucho maternity pants, so i wore them instead. but i did have to forego my rolled capri look, about which i had been really excited (insert only half-serious pouty face here).

well, to cure my pseudo-poutiness, i tried going out to the JCPenney at the mall to exchange a couple of shirts i got for Christmas which i thought i'd grow into, but still haven't. they're really cute polo shirts (one is lime green!), so i was pumped about getting them in a smaller size. just one problem--this JCPenney has no maternity section. okay, so i'll get store credit, then use it to buy the shirts online, right?

wrong. apparently, amid the big stack of JCPenney gift receipts i brought along, i had managed to misplace the one for these shirts. obviously, since the shirts had been bought a while back, they were on super-low clearance now, so returning them would only give me a few bucks to spend online. way to go losing that receipt, jenna. (insert sincere pouty face here).

which brings us to the food. the other part of my poutiness-recovery plan was to stop by our apartment on the way back from the mall to pick up the leftover pesto chicken pasta i had planned to eat for lunch today but had forgotten at home this morning.

but then a reminder sounded from my cell phone which read: "be at office early--1pm". apparently, i had made an appointment with a student for half an hour before my office hours usually begin, but i had forgotten about that, too. fortunately, my keen foresight had led my to put this appointment into my phone. unfortunately, this also meant no lunch.

so here i am, in my office, hungry, wearing ever-so-comfy-but-not-what-i-had-planned-to-wear gaucho pants, devising a plan to shrink these polo shirts by washing them in really hot water and drying them with high heat (they're 97% cotton, so it should work, right?), and wondering...

where the heck is that student?!?!?

hey, mr. kroger bagger,

why did you stop putting my milk in a bag? now, when i carry in my groceries, it takes a whole hand to carry just the milk, whereas i used to grab three or four bags with that one hand.

can anyone tell me if this is a trend throughout the whole kroger organization? do they do this at your local kroger? would it be rude to ask for my milk in a bag? i mean, i do recycle those bags, so it's no harm done to the environment...

moving on to other topics, is being rude and reckless a requirement to own a Toyota Sequoia? i can cite three different instances just this week to support this hypothesis. but i thought people who bought Toyotas were supposed to be smart and practical.

maybe it's because they're still trying to hold onto the american dream of driving a huge suv, but at the same time they're trying to save a little gas money? perhaps this internal conflict is what has driven so many Sequoia drivers to such completely asenine behavior on the road?

on a more positive note, all is well at the grem place. william has started playing a kicking game with us, i.e., when he pushes out his little foot, we push it back in, then he kicks...it's kinda like a foot fight, only we're just using our fingertips. very fun, indeed. also, we should have another picture of him this coming tuesday--this time in 3D!

hope all is well with you, whoever you are, as you read this mostly pointless and rambling post!

Metaphors

I'm a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils.
O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!
This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.
Money's new-minted in this fat purse.
I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I've eaten a bag of green apples,
Boarded the train there's no getting off.

~Sylvia Plath

all quiet on the blogging front

yep, that's in reference to all of you people who are supposed to help me procrastinate by writing enthralling blog entries everyday...

i guess i'm guilty of the quietness, too....

nothing really to post, except that i have a hot date with my hot husband tonight :)

can't give any details about what we're doing because it's a surprise for him, too. all i can say is, what'd i say? for some of you (i.e., darren) that might be enough....

did you know...

that the Babies R Us maternity clothes section has no fitting rooms?

i thought about dedicating a whole post to that topic and all its absurdity...but i'm sure you can all imagine more or less what i have to say about it. i'm saving all my energy for the comment card i'm sending to Babies R Us headquarters. in case they actually read those things.

at any rate, i've thought about blogging several times lately, but the more i consider any potential blog topic, the less blog-worthy it seems. like the Babies R Us absence of fitting rooms, for example.

i did do a little reflecting over the last year and decided that, overall, it was one of the most fruitful years i've had in a while, though not necessarily the easiest. here's why.

in 2006...

-we had our first anniversary
-i wrote a 90 page thesis on Nuyorican poetry and mostly managed to enjoy the process
-i also managed to justify a 'research trip' to NYC for said thesis, with 2 of my favorite people ever
-i got a master's degree
-i rode the Goliath at six flags, probably the best roller coaster ever (while pregnant, unbeknownst to me)
-i started karate lessons
-i was in my first play ever (singing, no less!)
-i taught my first literature class, which was a relative success
-we conceived our first child!

not quite a top ten list, but i blame that on the decidedly UNfruitful summer teaching syllabification to third graders ("if you have one consonant between two vowels, first divide the syllable before the consonant and try a long vowel sound for the first vowel. Then, divide the syllable after the consonant and try a short vowel sound for the first syllable").

of course, we're looking forward to many more firsts in 2007, this time not quite so me-centered. first smile, first laugh, first tooth...we can't wait to see all these little miracles!

and now that i have done my new year's reflection post, maybe i will find more to write about soon. like how hysterically ridiculous Demetri Martin is. seriously, you gotta watch his new comedy show.

"We can't let the openness of the day paralyze us."

that was darren's response to my giddy excitement over having slept in until 8:30 this morning and knowing all i really have to do today is get 6 research papers graded. piece of cake.

needless to say, it's been a good day so far. it started with a yummy cup of french press coffee, caffeine and all. it was, perhaps, the yummiest coffee i've had in a long time. but since i've severely restrained my caffeine intake of late, it did leave me quite zippy, if you will. hence the aforementioned giddy excitement.

desperate for structure lest i should waste the entire day, i called my good friend karen-the-great, who gave me a firm talking-to. "I'll only meet you for lunch if you have two papers graded by 12:30," said she.

i graded three.

then, we shared a fabulous lunch at the stand of tacos. and today, unlike most days, the cashier actually agreed with me that, since the menu says chunky salsa comes free with the soft quesadilla, he should give me the chunky salsa free with my soft quesadilla. twas delicioso.

so now it's 2 pm. i have a meeting at 4, and three papers left to grade before going to bed tonight.

i think i'll write some Christmas cards.

an early wish

so, it's not snowing any time soon in athens, but becca inspired me to make my own snowflake. i think i will offer it to the snow gods as a plea for some real snow in georgia this year. and i'm putting it here for you all, because i am very proud of it, in a kind of silly, infantile way...

William Mason Grem

Like any true Mason or Grem, little Will's first instinct was to quietly prove (almost) everyone wrong.*

Even though lots of people were convinced this one was a little girl, we have pretty solid proof to the contrary. Which means someone else could be having a little girl soon...or maybe that will be our next one.

As for his name, William is after Darren's father, and Mason is after mine. We're still considering Miles in place of Mason, but my brother has made some serious threats regarding that one.

But then again, Scøupe hasn't seen my middle block and back leg roundhouse kick. I could take him. Piece of cake.

*i am, in fact, aware of this split infinitive, but i am using it purposefully for the sake of both the meaning and rhythm of the sentence.

an instructor's best friend

so last night, post-post, i finally gave up grading with 6 essays to go and went to bed at midnight. i managed not to completely fulfill my horoscope--the rage at the disastrous midterm essays* did not, in fact, turn murderous. because i don't know where my students live.**

i realize now, however, that i was not alone in my distress.*** to the contrary, i discovered that Feral Cat, with all her whiny meowing last night, which also irritated me, was actually uttering cries of sympathy and possibly even threats against my students to parallel my own anger.

i know this because, this morning, darren related to me the events of the evening after i went to bed. apparently, for a few moments, Feral was choking in that way that cats do when they have a hairball. gross, i know.

but then, the marvelous Feral Cat walked directly to the stack of essays i had abandoned beside the coffee table and vomited on them.****

all i have to say is, thanks Feral Cat. you read my mind.

and thanks, darren, for cleaning it up so i could carelessly enjoy the poetic justice of it all.

*disastrous because they confirmed my suspicion that 67% of my students have not, in fact, taken advantage of the comments i have so tediously written on their 6 response papers so far. comments which i basically repeated , verbatim, on said midterms (for the last time).

**to be fair, not ALL the essays were bad. in fact, nine students wrote papers that provided such great relief from the verbal wasteland of despair that i joyously gave them A's and even A+'s.

***of course, darren and karen have shared this burden all semester, but that goes without saying.

****fortunately (or not), i had left an unrelated piece of paper on top of the stack, so none of them were actually damaged. but, hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

my Onion horoscope

Seriously, here it is:

Gemini:

You will fly into a blind, towering, destructive, psychotic, and ultimately murderous rage this week over the excessive use of adjectives in today's popular writing.

I've been grading midterm papers all day.

eat it.

it all made sense today.

i've always wondered why the old adage chose cake as the thing that you can't have and eat.

more importantly, why would someone want to just have a cake? i mean, cake is for eating. simple as that. even a wedding cake isn't too pretty to gobble up.

then today, i glanced at the almost-gone carrot cake that i made last thursday for some company we had friday. there's probably enough left for three or four hefty slices. and this made me sad.

me, the same person who begged people to take some cake home with them friday night so we wouldn't have too much left over. me, who's only eaten one more slice since friday...and a couple random bites here and there.

now, it should be known (if you weren't here for the girly candle party friday night) that this is my step-mom's infamously decadent carrot cake, which has converted many a carrot-cake-hater into a carrot-cake-devourer. but still, why this sudden sadness when everyone had enjoyed a slice, and i had enjoyed two?

well, here's what i've decided. to have a cake means to know it will always be there whenever you want it. i have some cake right now, but there's not enough left to convince me that, should i have a craving for carrot cake three days from now, it will still be readily available.

so which should one choose, to have a cake or to eat it? the obvious choice is still to eat it--if you don't, it will go bad and you will neither have nor eat it (hopefully). but, knowing that you can't have it forever should impact the way you eat it: slowly, passionately, hedonistically relishing every bite.

of course, the same goes for everything a cake could stand for, that is, everything good in life. when things are going well, your bills are paid, your friends are true friends, work is bearable, the weather is nice, whatever it may be, eat it up. and don't feel one ounce of guilt about enjoying things that are meant to be enjoyed. just remember cake is always better when it's shared, and if it runs out, you've still got 2 things left:

great memories and the hope that someday, there will be more cake.

me and Big Brown

yep. he's back. warm, cuddly Big Brown and i have been spending lots of time together...drinking hot cider...reading (student papers)...cuddling up on the couch with the Feral Cat. this makes four years that we've spent autumn together, and it's better every year. especially since it's my favorite time of year. and don't worry, darren's not jealous--he's got The Boss and Maverick to keep him company.

in other news, we went to the doctor again and discovered that we have a magic scale at our house. seriously, i could sell it for big bucks. according to our scale, i haven't gained a pound in 14 1/2 weeks of pregnancy. according to the doctor, i have gained 6 pounds in 2 weeks. this is a relief for me, but imagine the ordinary, non-pregnant woman. who wouldn't want a scale that miraculously kept you from knowing you had gained weight?

now, if they're like me, they would still question why their clothes fit differently. but, many women obviously rely more on numbers than appearances, because they will flip out over gaining two pounds even when they look as fabulous as ever. so, surely they would believe my magic scale as well.

hmmmm. maybe i can make a little income on the side by marketing this thing. maybe even put little willmily through college....

in other news, i think i found an atrocity to rival the $3.75 small steamer at jittery joe's. $5.25 baked potato at the bulldog cafe.

yep.

$5.25.

for a potato.

with butter and sour cream.

it's appalling what people will charge when the majority of their clientel are not spending their own money.

our baby weighs as much as a slice of cheese

whether this means american processed cheese-based "food product" (yep, read the label), or a slightly denser, much more delicious deli cheese such as cheddar or meunster, who can tell? and how thick is the slice? how big? everyone knows that deli slices are about twice the size or regular singles.

the people who write these little "as your baby grows" factoids have no sensitivity to cultural bias.

high five

many of you know that we got our first ultrasound the other day, and many of you have already seen the picture on darren's blog. he always beats me to the punch, mainly because he works in front of the computer all day and needs to divert his attention from work every now and then. but, for those who haven't seen litte grem yet, here he/she is!



we were obviously thrilled to get such a clear picture of our little baby in there, giving us either a thumbs up or a #1 signal. or, as others have postulated, singing into an air mike.


top 5 things we know about the baby so far:

1) baby LOVES potatoes in all forms

2) baby likes for momma to get lots of sleep

3) baby has no desire to try boca burgers

4) baby loves shakespeare. i mean, he/she's already been in a shakespeare production!

5) baby will either love roller coasters, or have an awkward sense of balance, since momma definitely went on six flags' new "goliath" at a mere 3 weeks pregnant

top 5 things we've learned about being pregnant:

1) no matter how much or how vehemently you object, people will call you "prego" and "preggers". why this is, we have yet to find out. i mean, really, people. prego is a spaghetti sauce.

2) like baby, momma LOVES potatoes in all forms

3) being pregnant means no cooking raw meat or changing cat litter :(

4) even before you start showing, people will try to carry things for you, offer you their seat and do all kinds of little favors, just because they know you're pregnant. it's awful. really. ;)

5) and finally, pregancy makes you an airhead. for example, in the past few days, here are some words that have completely escaped me mid-conversation: reassure, distraught, the spanish word for scissors (tijeras)....also, i just had a student in my 1002 spanish class make up an in-class composition. rather than give her the right topic from the 1002 class, i mistakenly gave her the topic from the 2001 class. needless to say, she was surprised by the difficulty of the question, though very forgiving when she realized what had happened.

on a last note, thanks to everyone for all their congratulations. it's comforting to know that people aren't frightened at the thought of more little grem-mason children. and fear not, there will be plenty more to come!

blogs that is...we'll decide about more children once we get the first one out.

"...so much to say and no language to say it in"*

i confess. i have coweringly postponed the posting of "the news".

how does one blog about something so completely life-altering? it's a daunting and tremblesome task, emotionally comparable to the President's delivery of a memorial address two days ago.**

you must give a speech. everyone already knows what you will say, but you still have to say it. and make it sound new and unexpected and engaging. the information is neither new nor unexpected, so your audience will likely concentrate on style rather than content. it is style that engages...or exhausts.

you want to use those weary, worn-out words because, for you, they have taken on new life.

miracle. future. joy. life. love.

but you know these empty clichés only clash with your heart-filled purpose.

how do you polish a word to make it convey truth when everyday use has so cheapened its meaning?

a miracle is not the nearest parking space at the mall.
a future is not a dream job with six figures.
joy is not clean dishes.
life is not a sport.
love is not mcdonald's.

what these things are, we will continue to discover little by little. and we will spend lifetimes trying to articulate the revelation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*from My Name is Aram, by William Saroyan
**i am aware of the pretentiousness of this claim--forgive me if i overstate my case

maybe a quarter-life crisis...or just a stirring in my soul

(props to anyone who recognizes the title of this post)

i definitely wouldn't call it a 'crisis', because that term carries such negativity that it doesn't describe at all what life post-25th-birthday has been for me. i would rather say it has been a turning point, or a getting-over-the-early-twenties-plateau, as it were.

un punto de partida.

i also wouldn't call it 'quarter-life'--i mean how many people really live to be 100? maybe someone invented that term so as not to admit that they were probably 1/3 of the way through. (if you're bad with fractions, that's even more than a quarter)

anyway, in light of the irrecuperability of an estimated one-third of my life span, i've decided i'd better start acting like a kid again. taking chances. learning new things. possibly looking stupid and not caring.

it started with the knitting, right around the time of my half-birthday back in december. that's in full throttle now, and you've all got handmade Christmas presents coming up. but knitting is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, and if you make a mistake, no one has to know about it. (except darren, who will attest to the dramatic rise in my use of profanity when i am knitting. and all you people thought it was a relaxing and brainless activity...)

just after the big-two-fiver, i joined a karate class. though i had no previous knowledge whatsoever of karate, it's a freaking blast. and (youngest child--must brag about every little thing!) my sensei said i was progressing really quickly.

even though i can hardly stand up right now due to monday's karate class, i am hooked. not just on karate, but on trying things i'm not sure i can really do.

so last night, on a whim, i auditioned for The Tempest with the fabulous Karen the Great (Karen the Fabulously Great?). i made this decision not knowing that the audition would involve singing.

by myself.

in front of strangers.

those who know me well can imagine my horror at the idea.



and i was cast...
...
...
...
as a member of the chorus.

yes, i am quite shocked. i'm also really excited, especially since the part i was going for (Miranda) might've been a bit much for a super-busy rookie with not as much time to practice as she would like to believe.

(unlike the never-busy-and-actually-quite-lazy (ha!) Karen the Spectacular, who was cast in a lead role as Evil Woman Usurper, a.k.a. Antonia.)

so, if you've ever asked me to sing and i vehemently refused, or if you've never seen karen's evil side, here's your chance!

i post; therefore, i am*

given the long delays between posts on everyone else's blog lately**, i don't really feel obliged to begin with the typical apology. but i will give a explanation of my descent into blogospheric obscurity by way of a brief update in the lives of the grems.

we have been cleaning our house.

it's more exciting than it seems, really. we ditched an ungodly amount of junk which, in our post-matrimonial rush to get settled in, we apparently had just hidden wherever we found space. we organized and appropriately stored what we had left. we've also purchased a few accessories to give each room some shred of character or consistency, and we tossed a bunch of unwanted knickknacks we'd accumulated over God-knows-how-long.

less clutter = easier to clean = less stress.

likewise,

less clutter = more relaxing atmosphere = less stress.

to make a long story short, we're really excited about our new, clean home, and everyone should come see it while it still looks this way!!!

other than this life-changing process, darren and i have both been teaching reading classes, and darren has been writing up a storm on his dissertation prospectus. and i'll be taking karate lessons starting next thursday, so you only have six days left to make me mad before i will know how to really mess you up. watch out.

i've also been running a lot of errands, many having to do with our home makeover, which leads me to my final comments before knitting myself to sleep. i'd like to thank the following people for making today as successful and pleasant as a full day of running errands can be:

1-Darren--for taking the initiative on most of the house-cleaning/purging/reorganizing process. and for helping with dinner.

2-Michael's--for having a "1/2 off all custom framing sale***" that has finally allowed me to frame a huge sepia-tone print of grand central station in 1939.

3-the nice teenage cashier in Target who, unsolicited, passed on his mom's tip to use both sides of the swifter sheet before throwing it out.

4-the kind manager at the Shell station who gave me a free upgrade (from "express" to "the works") on my car wash since it wasn't working the day i paid for it.

5-the pleasant, possibly indian, owner of the new package store around the corner. for opening a new package store around the corner.



*holla if you caught my meticulously correct punctuation. minus the capitalization.

**rather than link all of them in the text, i will simply direct you to the side bar.

***sale ends this weekend.

through the eyes of a 50 year old stoner

so, i went to the eye doctor today. mainly because the right lens popped out of my glasses, and i'm tired of fixing it myself, but also because my eyesight has gotten notably worse from spending the past four months glued to a computer screen. and because i've been seeing this little spot floating around in my right eye for at least a month.

so, they fixed the frames (permanently, i hope), gave me an eye exam, and dilated my eyes to check out the mysterious spot. that's where the fun begins.

while i was waiting for them to finish up my new lenses, i wandered over to the GAP and New York & Co to look for a new white t-shirt and white sleeveless shirt--must-haves for a hot summer of teaching and pretending to be all professional. can't show up to class with a dingy white shirt on!

anyway, the ever-so-nice-though-probably-not-sincere GAP employee kindly told me her name and to find her if i needed anything...while i most likely had a bizarre look on my face as i tried to get her face in focus. remember--dilated eyes.

i'm pretty sure she thought i was high, and i'm pretty sure she went and told all her GAP buddies that some girl was totally stoned and asking about white tops. so now i know how stoned people feel when they shop at the GAP: paranoid.

back at the eye store, i had to sign my credit card receipt, which was also rather embarassing, since my pupils were the size of tangerines. this meant that to find the appropriate line to sign, i had to--oh, yes--hold the receipt at arm's length. now i also know how it feels to be fifty.

on a positive note, though, my vision is only slightly worse prescription-wise, and the 'floater' is harmless and not a sign of anything serious. and, since i don't graduate until saturday, my conscience was perfectly clear as i used my student discount for the last time. for now, at least.

Ode ao quiejo quente

O queijo quente
O amo muito profundamente.
Quando estou com fome,
Eu penso em seu nome.
Minha amiga me apresentou você,
e agora é o tema preferido de Josué.*
Preciso come-lo todo o dia,
e isto me da muita alegria.
Quando eu estou a seu lado,
Meu espírito diz obrigado.
Na aula de português,
Escrevi sobre você con rapidez.
O queijo quente,
O amo, obviamente.

~Amy Hernández

*Josué é o nome de nosso professor de português

[tradução em inglês:

Oh, hot cheese,
I love you profoundly.
When I am hungry,
I think on your name.
My friend introduced you to me,
And now you're the favorite topic of Josh.
I need to eat you all day long,
And this gives me much happiness.
When I am by your side,
My spirit says thank you.
In Portuguese class,
I wrote about you very quickly.
Oh, hot cheese,
I love, obviously.]

Easter, baskets, eggs and chickens

these have all played an important part in my week thus far.

first, we had a lovely Easter, complete with family (mostly via telephone), friends, food, and...Easter baskets! mine contained a stuffed bunny that smells like chocolate. pretty fantastic.

speaking of baskets, remember the old aphorism "don't put all your eggs in one basket"?



wise folks, those aphorists. while there were no eggs in my Easter basket, i had unwittingly put a lot of proverbial eggs in the a certain proverbial basket labeled 'Getting Hired as a Spanish Instructor at UGA for the Academic Year 2006-2007'. you know, eggs like "how we will make money for the next year" and "how i will evaluate my own skill and value as a person with an MA in Spanish Literature". clearly, those eggs belong in another basket.

okay, so that metaphor is getting a little out of hand. let's move on to the chickens. yes, yes, the chickens you're not supposed to count before they hatch. apparently, i also had been doing just that, subconsciously of course, when i considered being hired as an instructor as a given (since i had been awarded an Outstanding Teaching Award by the same department one month prior).

i think you can see where this is going. jenna, the chicken-counting basket-stuffer did not, in fact, get hired.



after the initial splattering of eggs on the ground (remember, the ones of financial security & self-esteem?), i've now decided to take a different stance on the whole situation. for one thing, i can now sympathize with some dear friends in similar situations, and put my money (or lack of it) where my mouth is. that is, believe what i've been telling others about how God is our source of worth and provision, not our job (or...lack of it).

as this is an issue with which God really likes to beat me over the head, i would appreciate your prayers.

so, coming back to Easter, that afternoon, i was surrounded by folks for whom God has been faithfully providing despite difficult circumstances. i am poignantly reminded of His grace to us, which comprises the real reason we celebrate Easter. He has made the ultimate provision, a substitute to pay for our outstanding debt to him. what else do i have to worry about?