through the eyes of a 50 year old stoner

so, i went to the eye doctor today. mainly because the right lens popped out of my glasses, and i'm tired of fixing it myself, but also because my eyesight has gotten notably worse from spending the past four months glued to a computer screen. and because i've been seeing this little spot floating around in my right eye for at least a month.

so, they fixed the frames (permanently, i hope), gave me an eye exam, and dilated my eyes to check out the mysterious spot. that's where the fun begins.

while i was waiting for them to finish up my new lenses, i wandered over to the GAP and New York & Co to look for a new white t-shirt and white sleeveless shirt--must-haves for a hot summer of teaching and pretending to be all professional. can't show up to class with a dingy white shirt on!

anyway, the ever-so-nice-though-probably-not-sincere GAP employee kindly told me her name and to find her if i needed anything...while i most likely had a bizarre look on my face as i tried to get her face in focus. remember--dilated eyes.

i'm pretty sure she thought i was high, and i'm pretty sure she went and told all her GAP buddies that some girl was totally stoned and asking about white tops. so now i know how stoned people feel when they shop at the GAP: paranoid.

back at the eye store, i had to sign my credit card receipt, which was also rather embarassing, since my pupils were the size of tangerines. this meant that to find the appropriate line to sign, i had to--oh, yes--hold the receipt at arm's length. now i also know how it feels to be fifty.

on a positive note, though, my vision is only slightly worse prescription-wise, and the 'floater' is harmless and not a sign of anything serious. and, since i don't graduate until saturday, my conscience was perfectly clear as i used my student discount for the last time. for now, at least.

Ode ao quiejo quente

O queijo quente
O amo muito profundamente.
Quando estou com fome,
Eu penso em seu nome.
Minha amiga me apresentou você,
e agora é o tema preferido de Josué.*
Preciso come-lo todo o dia,
e isto me da muita alegria.
Quando eu estou a seu lado,
Meu espírito diz obrigado.
Na aula de português,
Escrevi sobre você con rapidez.
O queijo quente,
O amo, obviamente.

~Amy Hernández

*Josué é o nome de nosso professor de português

[tradução em inglês:

Oh, hot cheese,
I love you profoundly.
When I am hungry,
I think on your name.
My friend introduced you to me,
And now you're the favorite topic of Josh.
I need to eat you all day long,
And this gives me much happiness.
When I am by your side,
My spirit says thank you.
In Portuguese class,
I wrote about you very quickly.
Oh, hot cheese,
I love, obviously.]