jenn-a-juice.

On cereal bowls and the grace of God

2011-03-25T15:13:00.008-04:00

That's right, this morning's minor emotional crisis started with cereal bowls. Or rather, without cereal bowls. This morning's minor emotional crisis started when I realized that we had no clean bowls in our house in which to put our cereal. Let's see if I can break it down for you, and maybe you will think I am crazy (my usual self-interpretation) or maybe you will find something here to which you can relate.

To be clear, this is a confession of a particular struggle I've been having, especially since becoming a stay-at-home mom, and it's not intended as an indictment of anyone or anything except those ideas that so easily sneak in to try to distract me from the truth of the gospel. To give some context, though, lately I feel quite often that the world, at least the one in which I live, is simply not accommodating to motherhood. I feel like moms are the ones who take the hit for so many things, big and small, and everyone seems to know it's that way, but everyone seems okay with it. Even moms seem okay with taking the weight of the world on their shoulders, and when they fail, they seem to blame themselves and try harder to do better. As a Christian mom, there's even one more layer--I feel like we're the ones who are tempted to take on the weight on the world, but we've heard we're not supposed to do that, so we try to walk in the grace of God, accepting our failures and, if we're lucky, huddling together with other believers trying to encourage each other and help each other learn how to survive the day-in-day-out monotony of raising our children, loving our husbands, serving our churches, volunteering at our schools, managing our households, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I am blessed to have a husband who sees what I see and does everything in his power to assuage some of the overwhelming burden, but he is often as angered by it as I am, if not more. And I don't believe many women have such a jewel of a spouse, even when their spouses are very loving, well-intentioned men. So, here are my recent thoughts and experiences related to that topic.

It really started yesterday at nap time (today's crisis, that is), when I decided to try very hard to post a well-articulated, not offensive, but perhaps assumption-challenging comment on a friend's Facebook wall regarding the interpretation of a Czeslaw Milosz quotation he had cited and to which several others had already responded. I had planned to take a catnap while the kids were sleeping, but the resulting discussion of my comment kept me busy until they woke up, and it also left me fearing I had perhaps offended when I merely meant to discuss ideas.

Or maybe it started when I drove back from South Carolina in 12 hours with two children to find my husband very sick, which lasted three days, followed by Will's 10 day sickness, which overlapped with my own 7 day sickness, during which Darren had a bit of a relapse but recovered quickly, before we all finally passed the bug on to Lily, who is still sick. And teething.

It goes without saying that during those three or four weeks, the house stayed fairly dirty, I hadn't been grocery shopping, and the laundry piled up--just in time for our washing machine to break with the landlord saying it will be another week (that makes two total) before it might be fixed. So our bedroom floor is covered in piles of dirty clothes, and I've already taken to washing things at friends' houses.

And I guess I could identify some other influencing factors, like the fact that Lily is still nursing and not only refuses to take a bottle of anything but breastmilk, but she also freaks out when Darren tries to feed her solid food while I'm in the room. She also cries the entire time if we leave her in the nursery at church, and she takes a long time to warm up to strangers, so finding babysitters is just plain difficult.

And I've been worrying, but trying to pray and trust God, about my relationship with Will, who is in many ways very particular about things, just like I can be, and who can often be very self-centered and demanding, to the point of acting helpless about things he can do for himself just to get my undivided attention, which is often hard to give right when he wants it. So we've been butting heads a good bit, but I'm trying to keep in mind that some of this is age-related, some is just plain disobedience, and some are areas where I really can work on being more compassionate and loving.

Also, I have finally given up on the idea of being able to participate in any community group through our church, partly because it's too difficult to make the times work with our kids' naps or Lily's bedtime. That came to a head last night when I spent the duration of community group in a dark room holding Lily while she slept on my shoulder. The most frustrating part is that no other moms come to the group because their husbands, who do come, are all in some kind of ministry, so their lives are pretty packed already with ministry-related things, I guess. And they participate in other small groups as a family, while this one is intended to be a prayer group for the new church our church is wanting to plant. The few times Lily has slept during our meeting time, I'm in a room of men with whom I don't feel I can truly open up because they have no frame of reference for the struggles that I might share. It seems like Darren and I are the only ones who come to the group as a family, and it just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore.

But all of that is just background for today, and miraculously, I think I had been doing okay with the encouragement of good friends and a loving husband. I had really been trying to find my identity in Christ rather than in my performance as a wife and mother.

But then the cereal bowls...

So as I frantically wash dishes, slice an apple for Lily, and make Darren's lunch from the sparse scraps of food we have left in our refrigerator, here's how the downward spiral goes in my head:

"If I hadn't spent all that time posting that Facebook comment yesterday, I could've been washing the dishes so we'd have something to eat off of this morning. Not that cereal is that great of a breakfast--who needs 210 calories of pure carbs to get them through until lunch? If I weren't so lazy, I'd get up in time to make something with protein for my family so we're not all starving by 10am. And I spend so much time thinking I can do this motherhood thing better than moms who burn the candle at both ends for years on end and end up bitter about it, when really I'm just making excuses for my own laziness. There's apparently no other way to actually make a family work without me being the first to get up in the morning and get everything done before everyone starts asking me for things that I should already have ready for them. But that would mean I'd have to go to bed early in order to get enough rest, which would mean I don't get quality time with Darren, which would hurt our marriage, so I guess I'd have to get up early and stay up later just like every other mom in the history of time has had to do. Forget rest, forget fixing my own breakfast or having five minutes to sit down and eat without someone demanding something from me. And why should I expect that? Why should I expect that I be able to sit at church rather than walk around with my crying baby like other moms often have to do? What makes me so special? I have been so arrogant to think I could do this any differently than any other mom. And maybe it's all part of the curse. But didn't Jesus die to set us free from the curse of sin and death? Did that not include moms? Does God even give a crap about moms? Is there ever an instance in the entire new testament where Jesus has anything to say to, or even about, moms? Why are we the ones who still have to bear the brunt of the curse?!?"

Pretty great stuff, huh? Thankfully, I was able to say all this to Darren, who was supposed to get to work early, but ended up getting there later because of my breakdown, and he patiently sympathized with me and talked me through the truth of the gospel again. And the best part was that he understood, not five minutes after saying all this and really meaning it, I felt stupid for thinking it. I felt silly. Cereal bowls, really? Wow, I have lost it for sure. But that was just pride trying to sneak in on top of everything else. I had doubted God, doubted his love for me, and I was embarrassed that Darren was there to see it. I was even more embarrassed because he handled the situation in such a loving way, while I struggle to be loving and compassionate when he has doubts of his own.

But, all that said, now I am glad that Darren was there. For one thing, it helped me get my head on straight and reminded me that I can't rely on my feelings to tell me who God is. They are so volatile that I need something outside myself to tell me what the truth is. Thank God for his Word! Also, I am glad he pointed out how naked I was feeling and how difficult it is to have your failures seen even by someone as close and loving as your spouse. It was that insight of his that made me want to share this further, in case anyone else feels what I so often feel and needs to know you're not alone in it.

Also, I'm reminded of a hymn that has been meaningful to me lately:

Father-like, He tends and spares us;
well our feeble faith He grows.
In His hand he gently bears us,
rescues us from all our foes.
Praise Him, praise Him,
praise Him, praise Him,
widely as His mercy goes.

God bless you moms out there. Please know that I am praying for those of you that I know, and feel free to pray for me, too!

The Rest of 2010: A Belated New Year's Post

2011-01-20T14:40:00.001-05:00

2010 was an trying and chaotic year for our family. All the aspects of our lives that (we now recognize) had been on auto-pilot were suddenly flipped to manual control. For the entirety of our married life, we had lived in the same apartment, worked and studied at the same university, attended the same church, hung out with the same friends, and even driven the same truck. Suddenly we moved into a house, almost lost a job two weeks later, had a baby via c-section, got a last-minute post-doc at Yale, finished a dissertation, bought a new car, moved to Greenville, moved to Connecticut a month later, found a new church, made new friends, enrolled a son in preschool, and adjusted to being a single-income family of four, all while facing up to deep-rooted problems in our marriage and in our parenting that often continue to be a struggle. The product of all of that, and the only thing that enabled us to survive it, has been a continual reorientation of our lives so that the gospel is the center around which everything else revolves rather than the peripheral system of beliefs that (we now recognize) it had been before. As Darren likes to put it, we felt like God plucked us out of our nice, neat, routine little lives, plopped us all into a cold, bare room together and said, “You've got the gospel and each other. Make it work.”

And this is good. The changes we have seen in our marriage, in our relationship with Will and Lily, and in our relationships with others have reminded us that God is sovereign and He is for us, not against us. We have already seen that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28), and we are confident that the repercussions of all these changes will continue to multiply over time. For that reason, when I look back on 2010, what stands out most is God's faithfulness in the midst of chaos.

That said, I think it's important for me to also remember that 2010 was not all chaos. There were also many times of peace and joy and rest. My fear is that some of those times, which were sweet and precious, may get overshadowed in my memory by the more trying times unless I make a focused effort to reflect upon them and record them. So, with that preface, I give you “The Rest of 2010: A Chronology.” Please forgive the excessive exclamation points.

Feb 20: We moved to a new house! Even though, in retrospect, this seemed to kick off the season of chaos, at the time it was really quite exhilarating. While the house itself was beautiful with its amazing kitchen, front porch, back deck and huge yard, the most memorable part of this move was the overwhelming number of people that came to chip in. We felt so loved and encouraged by our friends and family that weekend.

Mar 3 – 7: Darren and I took a small “babymoon” in Blue Ridge, GA. Again, what stands out most is the kindness of friends—we had planned a touristy-type weekend in Atlanta, but had to cancel it because my job was on the chopping block at UGA. Some sweet friends from small group jumped right in and offered their family's cabin to us for several days, and we took a relaxing trip there instead. While there we saw the posting for the Yale post-doc that eventually led us to New Haven. The next Sunday, Darren and I did keep one of our Atlanta plans, a performance of King Lear at Shakespeare's Tavern, while his parents kept Will.

Mar 30: Lily was born! Need I say more? She's awesome.

Apr 2: Darren got the Yale post-doc! We got this news about an hour before checking out of the hospital to take Lily home. So, on the way to our house, we stopped at Target, bought a Sharpie and a white onesie on which Darren drew the Yale logo as a way of breaking the good news to his parents.

Apr 10: Will's 3rd Birthday Party! What a blast! His friends Jackson Morse, Gweny Musgrove, Melissa Coffey, Abby Winters, and Will Brannen joined us in running around outside, decorating t-shirts and visors, icing their own cupcakes and engaging in other generally messy activities.

May 8: Darren's Graduation! First was the ceremony at Stegeman Coliseum, followed by a barbecue with family at our house, then a night out to celebrate with friends at Trappeze. This day was a long time coming, for sure!

May 9: Lily's Baptism. Again, what made this special were friends and family. Kay Carlisle had made the most breath-taking baptismal gown for Lily, and it was wonderful to be able to baptize our second child at Redeemer Presbyterian Church even though we would be moving to Connecticut soon after.

May 21: 5 year anniversary! Friday night I came home from martial arts to a romantic candlelit home, complete with Van Gogh Dutch Chocolate martinis, Oreos (when dunked in a chocolate martini, they are truly a gourmet dessert), rose petals and a live performance of a new song Darren had written for us. As if that weren't enough, Saturday night, we went to Atlanta to Woodfire Grill for the single best dining experience of our lives. I will never forget those lemon mascarpone stoneground grits...

Jun 19: Karen & Bryan's Wedding! I have to admit, being Matron of Honor is slightly more complicated while nursing a 3 month old, but the entire weekend was wonderful start to finish. Personally, I got to enjoy all the fun of pedicures, mimosas and Ike & Jane doughnuts while getting our hair done, doing Karen's makeup, and pictures, pictures, pictures! It was delightful meeting more of Karen and Bryan's family and friends who live outside of Athens and especially getting to participate in the ceremony. Some other highlights: dancing with Darren throughout the entire reception and toasting with Patron Silver in dainty little teacups...a couple times. It was a phenomenal way to spend our last days in Athens.

Jul 3 – 4: The kids and I made the move to New Haven. Darren had gone up several days earlier and completely arranged our beautiful new apartment before our arrival. He even surprised me with new bedding in our room that we had been putting off purchasing for a long time. The kids were amazing travelers, and a little while after we arrived, we all walked two blocks to a tasty little pizza place for dinner. The next morning, we visited what would become our new church home, Christ Presbyterian Church. We ate lunch with our new pastor and were invited to watch fireworks the same night. We were so thankful for such a 'soft landing' once we got to our new home.

Sep 25-26: Darren planned a very special date night while his parents were visiting. First we toured the Yale Art Gallery, which was stunning to say the least. Next we picnicked in East Rock Park and looked out over the city of New Haven to watch the sunset. But the best part was that, instead of driving us home afterward, Darren passed our house and drove to a very hip hotel nearby called Hotel Sierra. We watched Georgia Football (and won!), tried out the jacuzzi, enjoyed delicious chocolate and wine, et cetera...The next morning we slept in (!), then pigged out at the awesome continental breakfast before heading back home to the kiddos.

Dec 25 - 29: Best Christmas Ever. It was so wonderful to have a long, relaxing trip down south for the holidays. First we stopped at my parents place for a few days and enjoyed lots of time and great meals with them. Next we hit Rock Hill to spend Christmas day there as we have every year since we started dating. We had the best time hanging out with Darren's siblings and parents. The food was amazing, and we even enjoyed some wine and chocolate while playing Cranium and watching the snow fall on Christmas night. The next day was a blast, too—snowball fights, snow angels, sledding, cider, all before noon! Then, as my Christmas gift from Darren, he and I took off for coffee and an afternoon of shopping for post-P90X clothes. The best part was spending the time with Darren and knowing that, unlike most husbands out there, he was actually enjoying watching me try on about a hundred different shirts, pants and skirts before walking out with only 10 things. As a matter of fact, this venture continued throughout the following week until we finally found suitable pants at Express the next Sunday. Finally, we got to visit with my grandparents, extended family and parents (again!) in Madison, NC. Will and his cousin Isabelle were attached at the hip for three days straight, and the cuteness was almost unbearable.

Dec 31: New Year's Eve with Darren. I'll admit, it was difficult to break a 10 year tradition of spending New Year's Eve and New Year's Day with the Odoms and Akridges. Still, after the rollercoaster of a year we had had, it was fitting to spend a quiet evening with Darren and enjoy the fact that we made it through this year, more than any other, together. To celebrate, we cooked a steak dinner together, and enjoyed it with wine by candlelight before watching a great game of football together. We rose above our previous disdain for (or fear of) New Year's Resolutions, and we made some solid ones together for 2011.

So, there it is folks. Like I said, I wrote this list mainly for my own memory's sake, but I hope you've enjoyed reading it, too. For those we don't see often, it's a glimpse of our lives that you may have missed last year. And for everyone, I hope it inspires you to take a moment to remember God's faithfulness and blessings to you over the past year as well.

Friday Wine & Poetry

2010-07-23T16:34:00.003-04:00

New Haven

Now that I'm home,
manicuring my image
of maternal nurture,
mastering the moving parts
of a makeshift family machine,

I'll spend
a full two minutes
removing one cat hair that has woven itself
into the fibers of an afghan,

half an hour
arranging handsoaps and lotions,
all gifts, all half-used,
all so aromatic and unlikely
to ever make it onto skin.

It's the order that's therapeutic.

For afternoon coffee,
I take my time,
choose a mug that matches my mood
and what I'm wearing.
Today it's the thin lime stripe in my plaid pajama pants.

I don't always wear pajamas all day—

This time I was storm-soaked in the market parking lot.
(At home, I changed.)

And now
I find the time to write you,
to tell you everything I'm taking
and finding,
the ways I'm making it home,

and that the rush of passing traffic
is the same as the sound of shores
and fountains,
a constant waterless washing
pouring in the windows.

Floor Plans

2010-05-15T08:52:00.001-04:00

Most of you reading this post know that Darren, the kids and I will be moving up to New Haven, Connecticut in the next month or so. While waiting in a doctor's office today, I started to think of the many, many things I will miss about Athens once we leave. Since I was trying not to lose my composure completely, I steered my thoughts toward one of my favorite aspects of this little town—the food. That is, I started mentally listing all the amazing dishes that I know I exactly where to find in Athens whenever the mood strikes me.

Just as I was beginning to debate (yes, with myself) about where each dish would fall in a top-ten list, I had a sudden, vivid recollection of the last time I made a major move. I was so much younger that, believe it or not, I hadn't yet developed the near-obsession I have with good food today.

I'm sitting in my seventh-grade English classroom at Sweetwater Middle School, having just moved to Lawrenceville from Raleigh a few weeks beforehand. The school system here is completely different than the one at the magnet school I've been attending in Raleigh, and all the material in my classes here is review from the past two years there. Needless to say, I am bored and utterly tuned out to what is going on around me.

Here's the weird part, which I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit because I'm sure some of you will think, “That's weird.” To bide the time until my next class, I start drawing, to the very best of my ability, the floor plan of my old middle school in Raleigh. To my 12 year old brain, my old school was far superior to this tiny place. It had three separate buildings, two of which had two stories and were enormous. The third was a later addition where such classes as dance and painting were taught. It did have trailers, like any middle school, but they housed not only French and Spanish classes, but also Russian, Japanese and German. I remember even explaining to a friend of mine how we needed a full 10 minutes for class changes because the school was so big that it was like high schools in Georgia.

But seriously, the floor plan?

And until today, I couldn't quite make sense of why in the world I would obsess so much over that. Now I think, just like my need to list in order of most importance my favorite entrees and desserts in Athens, I was trying to somehow quantify the experience of missing a place that felt so much like home. Then, most of my days were spent in that school. My most meaningful interactions took place there, and I discovered a lot about myself in the year and a half that I attended it.

Here, I have spent an unbelievable amount of time building friendships, studying, and even working in my favorite restaurants and cafes downtown. I know I've dumped obscene amounts of money and time into these places in exchange for the social interactions, and the incredible treats, they have provided. And I know it will be a very sad day when I start to crave Five Star Day's Chicken and Dumplings, and I have to scour a new city in hopes of finding anything that even remotely compares. Or anyone to call up at a moment's notice to meet me there...

I know there's no way to quantify the way that the past 11 years have turned Athens into the only place I've ever really called home, and I know this is just one of the many tricks I will try to play on myself to make it less painful to leave. But just for kicks, here's the list, or at least a rough draft:

Top Ten Foods I Will Miss in Athens:

(in no particular order, because I got distracted from that debate with myself)

Mirko's Tiramisu
Five Star Day's Chicken and Dumplings (also, Fried Green Tomatoes, Soul Chicken Pasta, Garden Club...)
Cookies'n'Company's Curry Chicken Salad on a Croissant (yeah, they've already closed, but I still miss it!)
The Grill's Fries and Feta
Cali'n'Tito's Tostones
Walker's Coffee (hey, coffee is food.)
Trappeze (everything. beer is also food.)
Casa Mia's Latin Sushi Roll
Ike and Jane's Elvis Donut (peanut butter, banana, bacon. on a donut.)
Chick-Fil-A (it's not just Athens, I know, but what are the chances of finding one in New Haven???)

Fount of Every Blessing

2010-05-03T09:27:00.015-04:00

Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace.

Streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount; I’m fixed upon it, mount of God’s unchanging love.

Today was a good day.

I woke up slowly next to a husband who loves me more than I will ever be able to comprehend.

Lily was stirring in the cradle, which had been hand-carved by a dear friend’s father and lent to us as a symbol that we are not just friends but family. Darren picked her up and laid her in the bed between us. Even a month after her birth, we still are so taken with our second child that we just gazed at her quietly together.

Next, Will came down the steps and into our room—a rare occasion since he usually calls to us to come upstairs when he wakes up. He snuggled up with the rest of us, giggled and played with his toy trains for a while. Even our cat curled up at my feet to complete the magazine cliché of a happy young family. The intellectual in me considered making some joke about how we had finally attained the bourgeois ideal of happiness and security, but I found myself too content to risk ruining a moment of such quiet joy.

Of course, the day picked up steam. Coffee, Thomas videos, showers, breakfast, dishes, email. Just as I was rushing off to my karate class, Darren handed me the credit card to do a little post-maternity shopping. At class, I was invigorated to be able to exercise at almost my pre-caesarean level; shopping for new clothes at my pre-pregnancy size was even more exciting.

In the late afternoon, our whole family went to a relaxed, delightful party at a local park. Even the weather was perfect. Darren went to meet a friend for a round of golf, and I took the kids home. Lily stayed asleep while I put Will to bed a full hour and a half early, then she woke up right on time for her early evening feeding. She went back to sleep immediately, and I drew a bath with aromatic lavender bubbles that were a gift from my (step)Mom when Will was born. And I poured a glass of red wine that another close friend had brought over earlier in the week.

It was while I was sitting in the bath that I began to reflect on how incredibly good the day had been. Here I was, soaking in a garden tub in a house we should never have been able to afford, drinking wine that I didn’t buy, and reflecting on all the goodness I’ve just described. Afterward, I would put on brand new pajamas (not the only thing I bought with the Discover card) and a rich lotion that came as a free gift with my purchase. For a moment, I thought, “I should feel guilty about this. It’s all so frivolous and unnecessary, and there are so many people who deserve this more than I do.”

That led me to the question, “Where is the place for luxury in the Christian life?” Surely, comfort and luxury are not to be sought after; we are to seek after Christ. But there are times, like today, when luxury seems to be dumped in our laps. What are we to do? Should we renounce them categorically, since our only true need is for God’s love and the redeeming work of Christ? Or, should we enjoy them with the mindset that God has created wonderful things both for His pleasure and our own? Is mere thankfulness enough to justify this enjoyment? Where does sacrifice and ‘dying to self’ fit into this picture?

Then, I began to reconsider the question altogether. I am calling these things luxury: a loving family, a beautiful house, a peaceful evening. But that must mean that there are things to which I feel entitled, things which I don’t consider luxury but necessity. Food, shelter, work, peace of mind. These aren’t blessings—they are things I assume God should give me.

In light of the Gospel, however, I know I am a depraved sinner who deserves nothing but God’s judgment and wrath. Both Darren and I have become keenly aware of this truth in the past year, and particularly in the past couple weeks, as we work through some incredibly difficult situations together. It is a truth that leaves little room for categories: anything good is luxury, and I don’t deserve any of it.

I don’t write this out of guilt or asceticism. Quite the opposite—this points at the true freedom found in the Gospel. I can enjoy a bubble bath with thankfulness just as I enjoy having food to feed my family or a job to pay the bills. There is no difference. God is the Fount of every blessing, and for the Christian, everything is a blessing: “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Not only that, I also don’t have to fear losing the things I love or enjoy. They are not the source of my contentment or peace of mind, so I know that God will sustain me with or without them. In fact, even our struggles and sufferings are good because God uses them to refine us and to prove His complete provision for all our needs: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

Most of all, knowing that I am not only forgiven but loved by a God who knows every evil thought I’ve ever entertained and every sinful action I’ve ever committed is the most freeing truth of all. This grace and love are the true luxuries, and they are absolutely at the center of the Christian life.

Let that grace now, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Status update:

2009-05-22T13:47:00.001-04:00

Jenna thinks she might be over the lime green background for her blog.

A teacher's dream

2009-03-19T09:37:00.010-04:00

So, this morning I was thinking about dry erase markers.

For those whose profession doesn't demand much interaction with these writing utensils, there are a couple things you need to know:

1-They are so much better than chalk.

2-But they die much more quickly than chalk.

3- Especially when used on a cheap dry erase board.

4-UGA has cheap dry erase boards.

Presumably, this was an effort to save UGA money. Those of us who can do basic math know, however, that buying one more expensive board, which will last five times as long as its cheap alternative, will ultimately save you more money. And it won't destroy my dry erase markers so quickly, which will save me money, too.

So that is the background information; here's what I was thinking about this morning:

On Tuesday, I somewhat accidentally kept a brand-new dry erase marker that I found in one of my classrooms.

Okay, I did it on purpose because I had left all my markers at home except for one, which the UGA dry erase boards had already bled to death. I tried to justfiy my actions by recalling all the markers I have accidentally left in classrooms that had disappeared when I went to retrieve them.

This brand-new marker then, without warning, began to die a slow and streaky death as I tried to write my students' homework on the board this morning, a mere two days after its very first use.

Then I thought of how the wands in Harry Potter could recognize their true owners and never worked quite as well for other wizards.

(At this point I'd like to point out that it was barely 8:00, and I hadn't had time to finish my coffee this morning. And maybe deep down I do consider myself a wizard who, with my trusty dry erase markers, can magically impart learning to unwilling and oblivious students.)

For a moment, I almost believed that, like a magic wand, this particular marker knew I wasn't its true owner, and, in accordance with some cosmic code of justice regarding stolen teaching resources, it was sabotaging my attempt to write my students' homework on the board. I kind of liked the idea because I think I have stolen far fewer markers than have been stolen from me....

Then, I decided, "No, it's just these cheap dry erase boards at UGA."

And as I was blogging about this whole thinking process, I realized that the real question is not, "Why do dry erase markers die so fast?"

The real question is, "Why in the world are they called 'dry erase' markers?" Last time I checked, chalk uses a dry eraser, too.

For example:

2009-03-18T21:45:00.003-04:00

This morning I noted one distinct advantage to teaching at 8am every morning: if I go to use the restroom before class, the toilet seats are still up. Now as a woman, my natural instinct is to be annoyed by this, but it's different at 8am in a public facility. They're still up because no one has used them since they were last cleaned.

And that makes me smile.

Back to blogging!

2009-03-18T14:27:00.004-04:00

Why, you ask, would I suddenly take up blogging again after nearly a year-long hiatus?

I blame Facebook. It has changed my life, or at least the way I experience my life.

In short, it has made me start thinking in simple sentences beginning with my own name. Several times a day I think something like, "Jenna is making herself a coffee." Sometimes I get all fancy about it, too: "Jenna has just enjoyed a delightful cup of French press coffee."

It's sad, I know.

Even worse is the whole line of thinking that ensues each time I observe something remotely interesting (to me) about myself, my current state or my current surroundings:

1) Can this observation be condensed into one concise sentence starting with "Jenna Mason Grem"?
2) Am I within reasonable distance of an online connection so that I can update my status with said observation?
3) Is the observation Facebook-worthy in terms of accuracy, importance and wit?
4) Would anybody possibly care to know this piece of information?
5) Would posting this status entertain my friends, or would it give them the impression that I am a perpetual navel-gazer who thinks even the most trivial thoughts should be shared in real time with everyone else I know?

Generally, I hit a "No" somewhere in that series of questions, which is why I often leave the previous status for days after it has ceased to be true, or I just clear my status altogether until I think of something that meets my stringent (haha) criteria.

So, in response to the original question (why blog again?), the answer is that too often some invaluable epiphany occurs in my life that does not meet requirement #1: brevity.

And, what's the difference between Facebook and blogging? Facebook demands brevity, and blogging does not.

So be warned, dear readers (if there are any left): when reading this blog you do hereby assume responsibility for any and all personal risk related to exposure to my long-winded, often inaccurate, unimportant but hopefully still witty, navel-gazing observations about myself and occasionally something else.

cheers.
-jmg

Mommy-dō: My Way of Life

2008-06-04T13:12:00.016-04:00

for making

for growing

for baking

for knowing

for preparing

for practicing

for creating

for relaxing

for sweetening things up

for cleaning things up

for heating things up

for beating things up

I guess that just about sums it up.

jmg

March for Babies!

2008-04-16T13:07:00.002-04:00

[Some of you may have gotten this message via email (or Facebook, or Myspace...), but I am posting it here because it's important to me that as many people read it as possible. Thanks for understanding!]

I'm sure a lot of you have heard of the March of Dimes organization, which sponsors research to help eliminate birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. This year they have changed the name to "March for Babies" so that everyone will know exactly what the March is about. Also this year, I'm participating for the first time.

As you know, last year we were blessed to have our little William after a pregnancy and delivery completely free of complications. Sadly, I have known several women who have had difficult complications or miscarriages, and two of our close friends lost their babies last year just one month before they were due.

I am participating in the March for Babies this year to honor these friends who have suffered such profound losses. If you are able, please consider donating to the March for Babies to support lifesaving research, services, education and advocacy that help babies get a healthy start.

To donate any amount online, please go to http://www.marchforbabies.org/jennagrem. You can also donate by giving me cash or a check in person.

Even if you are unable to donate, there are other ways to participate in this worthy cause:

1) Forward this email to anyone you think will be interested in participating or donating. Be sure to include the above website in your email.

2) Join a team. I am the team captain of the American Blackbelt Academy team, and everyone is invited to join our team! Just go to http://www.marchforbabies.org/# and search for "American Blackbelt Academy" to join. By joining a team, you can create your own sponsor page where your friends can donate online.

3) Walk! Go to http://www.marchforbabies.org/# to find the time and date of the March for Babies walk nearest you. William and I will be walking at Bishop Park in Athens, Saturday May 3rd at 10am.

Thank you in advance for considering this cause. Feel free to email me with any questions.

Love,
Jenna

April is...

2008-04-02T10:41:00.009-04:00

National Poetry Month?

Apparently so--I just got the promotional email from Amazon telling me so. Does that seem ironic to anyone else?*

So anyway, I've been thinking about poetry lately, and how I used to "write poetry," and how so often that has seemed to me like a 14-year-old who wants to be in a band so he can, like, be a rock star, dude.

And I've also been thinking about writing in general, as in, hmmm, maybe I should just sit and write down all the things that go through my head everyday that make me think, "hmmm, I should write that down." Honestly, the only writing I've been doing lately has been reminders to myself about things to do and reminders to students about things to do, like "Please use spell-check" or "Where is your thesis?"

Okay, and I'll admit to being the real writer behind Will's blog, only because it would be a little repetitive if I were to transcribe his actual commentary: "Dat, dat, dog, dat, bear, duck, duck, dat, book, book, book, book, dat." But you see how often I manage to sit down and do that--he has even written about his awesome trip to the beach yet!

So anyway, in an effort to start writing again, I'm going to try to write something everyday. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to use this particular medium to do so, since half the reason I never really write is because I'm so self-conscious about it. I might even go old-school and write in a journal...we'll see.

As for today, I can now officially say I have met my goal. I wrote this.

And on a completely different topic: Happy Birthday to Chris / Uncle Best / Crawdaddy Long-Legs!

~jmg

*that is, to anyone else who has read The Wasteland?

Update

2008-01-22T12:42:00.000-05:00

so i figured it was time to give a little update, though i'm not sure anyone even bothers to check my blog anymore since i haven't posted in ages...

as is to be expected, the most interesting things in our lives now all seem to revolve around one particularly cute little boy. since my last post in november, Will has completely mastered sitting up one his own, which we all know is just another way to avoid tummy time! no crawling yet, probably because that would involve being on his tummy for at least a few seconds, which seems to be completely out of the question for the little guy.

he has also gotten sick for the first time--ear infection--and is in the process of getting his first tooth (finally). i'm a little surprised that it's taking so long to come in after it broke through his gums almost a week and a half ago, but what do i know about baby teeth? overall, he's handled the ear infection and teething very well; sometimes he's just a little more clingy & tired than usual.

since he's finally getting teeth and because he sits up so well now, he's started learning to eat finger foods like toast, cheese, and little bits of banana, smashed veggies, etc. needless to say, it's messy but so darn cute! he's also learning to drink from a cup, though his favorite thing to do right now is turn the sippy cup upside down in his lap when i'm not looking & soak his pants with milk. he's a little trickster for sure.

the best news, though, is that he already said his first word! not mama or dada, though. that's way too typical for our little man. nope, his first word was "Cocoa"--the name of the little dachshund at Grandma Deb's house. Of course, for a while he was calling Feral Cat "Cocoa," too, but now he tends to say "ca" when he sees her.

he also seems to understand a lot of what we tell him, like "no," "shake," and "jump." okay, so shaking things and jumping are probably his favorite things to do anyway, but he seems to respond when we tell him to do them, too.

okay, let's see if i can think of anything to say that isn't about how cute & awesome Will is....

well, the semester has started, but i'm still undecided on how i like my new schedule. i teach everyday from 8am to either 9:55 or 10:45, then have office hours & tutoring appointments after that on Mondays and Wednesdays. compared to other teachers, who have to be at school at 6:45 am everyday, then teach all day, then have meetings until 5pm, i know this doesn't sound like a lot. but i am still adjusting to having to plan essentially 4 different preps, since my Tuesday/Thursday classes have different pacing than my Monday/Wednesday/Friday classes, and i teach one section of each level each day. it's taking a lot of planning and organization to stay on top of things, but so far i'm doing okay with it. it actually feels good to be a little 'on top of things,' for a change, even if it's because i couldn't get by any other way!

okay, so writing that much about my schedule is even boring me, so let's move on.

...

well, not much else i can think of. i am currently finishing up a little toy dragon that i made for Will. i personally think he looks kind of silly & not at all like the picture, but darren thinks he's cute. i'm not too worried about Will liking it--he's not very picky as long as he can chew on it!

here's a couple pictures of the-still-unnamed dragon:

i still need to put a face on him:

and i have to hold him up like this because...

apparently he's a water-dragon? that's the only explanation i have for his poor posture. doesn't he look like he's trying to swim?

he is machine washable, so maybe someday he'll be able to live out his dream & take a swim in our washing machine.

and that, dear friends, is where i will leave you. for more info on our vacation & Will's amazing feats, check out his blog www.willymiles.blogspot.com.

Happy New Year!!!

So this elephant walks into a bar...

2007-11-13T18:48:00.000-05:00

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=284021&GT1=7703&mpc=1

In keeping with my recent trend

2007-10-17T10:18:00.000-04:00

of simply posting a link rather than an actual blog entry, i pose this question:

what happens if he wins?

My day is like this...sans música

2007-10-12T15:54:00.000-04:00

No remembro the last time I laughed so hard.

One semester of Spanish Spanish Love Song.

Thanks, Jack, for making my Friday un poco más divertido.

i just couldn't resist

2007-09-29T22:23:00.000-04:00

will's smiles are pretty persuasive, you know.

http://www.willymiles.blogspot.com/

enjoy!

the evolution of test day

2007-09-12T10:31:00.000-04:00

yep. test days take on a whole new glory when you're the instructor and not the student.

now, you all know that i am a nerd, so i never really minded test days when i was in school. but now...now i absolutely LOVE them.

sure, there's the whole aftermath of test days: all the shell-shocked student expressions, all the grading, all the responding to emails claiming "i don't think we covered #4 in class"* or "i think my answer to #7 should be counted correct".**

but the day itself is blissful. no standing on your feet all day. no repeating yourself six times because various students weren't listening. no answering questions to which they should already know the answers. no having to assume your students understand a point despite their bewildered faces because they refuse to answer a simple yes or no question ("do you understand?").

and no lesson planning. which is how i am able to write this blog post at all.***

now comes the disappointing part: after having dwelled too long on my feelings toward test day and the circumstances that have facilitated this post...i find i don't really have anything else to say.

so here's a list of things that have happened since my last post:

-i earned my blue belt in karate, so i'm no longer considered a beginner. kiaiiiii!
-will is rolling over somewhat consistently from his tummy to his back.
-will is chowing down on the rice cereal. he's a hungry little boy!
-darren and i have flip-flopped our work / Will-watching hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays so i can go to a women's morning Bible study on tuesdays and a mommy playdate on thursdays. may sound silly, but i am pumped!
-i can fit back into almost all of my pre-maternity clothes, which means i might actually have enough clothes to teach in this semester!
-and, finally, i can finally do plenty of push-ups and sit-ups again! well, to be honest, i could never do push-ups before i started taking karate, so now i actually get excited about them (sad, i know). but i used to be able to do sit-ups all day long (okay, not literally), and i was really frustrated that i couldn't even do one after having Will. again, i know it sounds silly, but just the fact that i CAN do them makes me actually makes me WANT to do them. so hopefully that will help me get back into the rest of my clothes....

and, now, i must go give a test. weeeee!

*response: "attendance and note-taking do matter"
**response: "why, because your three weeks of experience with Spanish Literature is more credible than my MA in the subject?", followed by "attendance and note-taking do matter"
***now don't you love test day, too?

what's going on

2007-08-23T15:27:00.001-04:00

time for the bi-monthly not-too-terribly-interesting-but-at-least-somewhat-informative blog post!

as you probably know, fall semester started last week, which meant back-to-work-for-real for darren and me. or just me, really, since darren has been working steadily on his dissertation all summer. he's a trooper, that one.

so here's what the crazy schedule looks like so far:

MWF: (that's uga-speak for monday/wednesday/friday)

i teach from 8am until about 1:30pm, so Darren (a.k.a., SuperDad) is in charge of dropping off Will (a.k.a., Mr. Snuggles) at the sitter's (a.k.a., Awesome "Grandma Debbie's") before he teaches from 10am to 12:30pm. i do a little planning after classes, then pick up the little guy around 4:30. we have one glorious hour of playtime and snuggling before i hand him off to daddy and go to karate. by the time i get home, he's usually bathed, fed and sleeping soundly, so it's a quick dinner for darren and me, then bedtime for mommy.

TR: (tuesday/thursday, because abbreviations are a little tough for uga-ers?)

i try to use the 8am-11am window to do some planning while darren watches Will. then, the hand-off, and daddy goes to work while i make up for hardly seeing Will MWF.

the benefits of this schedule:

-we both still get a good amount of quality time with Will, even though we're both working full-time.

-i get a little time to myself, even if it is teaching and planning. it's a reminder that i didn't lose my identity at all by becoming a mom--i just added on to it. and, strangely enough, i have realized again how much i really enjoy teaching.

-Will gets time outside the house and with other people--not just Grandma Debbie, but also a couple other babies from church that Debbie occasionally watches.

-whether it's a direct consequence or not, Will has started napping better! sometimes he'll sleep for a total of 3 hours or more at Debbie's, and at least 2 hours total at home. (hence this blog post!)

the drawbacks so far are few:

-i really miss seeing Will the days i teach and have karate. on the upside, though, i feel like i appreciate my time with him even more, and i feel more patient when he's having a rough day.

-well, 8am classes are never fun, even though it's the most convenient time for us. i am really exhausted at the end of every teaching day. but being able to rest a little on TR makes it bearable.

-apparently our little genius has already learned some math: an earlier bedtime + a few naps = the right to get up at least once during the night. whereas he used to sleep 10 hours straight easily, now he wakes up after about 5 hours. or like last night, after 5 hours, then 3 more hours, then 2 more hours....(that's still very unusual, though). again, we can't complain--plenty of babies don't even sleep 5 hours straight at his age.

overall, things are going smoothly, and we're still counting our blessings everyday. we both have jobs that we love (most of the time) and that manage to pay the bills, we have wonderful family and friends to help us learn the ropes of parenthood, and we have the sweetest, cutest, snuggliest little boy ever.

and just to prove that last point:

allow me to elaborate

2007-07-24T15:10:00.001-04:00

"Sometimes there's no coffee in the coffee. I plow through it and it is definitely a coffee area, but there's no coffee in it. I always think they'll (sic) be a little at the bottom of the cup, but there never is. If it's missing at all, it's all missing. The fact is, coffee isn't just a substance--it's an event, and it's manifestation depends on countless subtle conditions, most of which are not speakable."

~Joe Wenderoth, Letters to Wendy's

all i have to say is:

2007-07-23T10:10:00.001-04:00

"sometimes there's no coffee in the coffee."

~joe wenderoth

The Case for Spreading Your Stuff Around*

2007-07-17T15:30:00.000-04:00

and i don't mean spreading it around to other folks, like sharing the wealth or anything like that, though i'm sure that has it's benefits, too. but i seriously doubt they can stand up to remarkable benefits of leaving your stuff lying around in places it shouldn't be because a) you think it might come in handy there at some point or 2) you're just too lazy to put it back where it belongs.

now, since the birth of our little Will, i have taken to keeping certain things within arm's reach of where i normally feed the little guy (that is, where the little guy subsequently passes out without two seconds' warning and where i often find myself stuck until he wakes up again. i am happy to say that this doesn't happen as often now that we're training him to put himself to sleep in his crib whenever he gets droopy-eyed. but i digress).

such items include, but are not limited to: multiple burp cloths, a couple baby books, a rattle, a receiving blanket, a novel or two of my own, a giant travel mug of water, my cell phone and the tv and dvd remote controls. i think it's self-explanatory why these things come in handy when one is trapped on a sofa for up to 3 hours at a time.

but what, you ask, are the possible benefits of leaving random items out of arm's reach, in such distant places as your car, your office or even a friend's house, simply because you're too lazy to return them to their proper homes? glad you asked. let me tell you a little story about my morning.

phyllis** is staying with us this week so that i can get a headstart on my planning for the fall semester***. though she and ellie have brought down a cot in the past, she finds it just as comfortable to sleep on our sofa, which is where she was this morning as i was getting ready to go teach my 8am class. not wanting to wake her, i didn't bother to turn on the lights to put on my sandals, which were located conveniently by the front door beside darren's flip-flops.

you see where this is going, right?

as i stepped out of the truck on campus, i was shocked to find that i had put on mismatched sandals--one brown and sparkly, one black and old-navy-flip-floppy. i laughed at myself all the way to my department, where, having sufficiently 'spread my stuff around,' i found a complete pair of matched sandals in which to teach. granted, this pair was black, which didn't at all correspond to my brown tank top and brown leopard-spotted skirt, so i still felt compelled to explain myself, in spanish, to my students. they were quite entertained and most likely now think i am a complete airhead.****

just for the record, a list of other random stuff in my office:
a pink fluffy scarf, a bag of microwave popcorn, two sturdy water bottles, a roll of toilet paper, an empty canister that once held coffee, a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head, a list of the caffeine content of various beverages, peanut butter, several pieces of silverware, a can of chicken noodle soup, a stack of paper plates, plastic cups and plastic forks, and a Christmas ornament of a smiling marshmallow knitting while sitting atop a chocolate square and a graham cracker (a.k.a., a s'more).

don't ask.

*what a great topic to make my big blog comeback, right?
**darren's mom, a.k.a. best mother-in-law ever
***i'm teaching introduction to spanish literature, which means i've got a lot of planning now and a lot of grading later
****also worth mentioning are the benefits of having a patient, understanding companion with a good sense of humor. my darling husband did take the time to bring me my other brown sparkly sandal, as well as the lunch i had absentmindedly left in the refrigerator....

2007-05-07T17:49:00.000-04:00

Top 5 Ways Grad School Prepares You for Parenthood:

1) Multitasking.
Grad School forces even the most adamant one-thing-at-a-timer to learn the art of multitasking. For example, more often than not, any kind of food is eaten while reading, studying, walking to class, sitting in class, writing papers or grading papers.

For a new parent (stay-at-home moms, especially), any kind of food is eaten while feeding the baby, burping the baby, rocking the baby, entertaining the baby, or praying the baby will stay asleep for 5 more minutes.

2) Prioritizing.
The Grad Student must learn to prioritize tasks and complete them accordingly. While in many other professions this prioritization might depend on the relative importance of each task, in Grad School, it generally depends solely on the official deadline of said tasks. Consequently, tasks without official deadlines often go unaccomplished.

This is why, since Will was born, I have somehow managed to get all the necessary grading done for my Spanish classes, but I still have tons of Thank You notes to write for the many, many gifts we received celebrating his birth.

I blame this mostly on one simple point of confusion: Everyone knows that newlyweds get a full year to send Thank You notes for gifts, just as friends of newlyweds get a full year to send such gifts. But what is the official deadline for newly-parents???

As I said, tasks without official deadlines often go unaccomplished. (I am trying, though!)

3) Irregular Eating Habits.
See "Multitasking." This example assumes, of course, that you manage to eat at all.

4) Limited Time with Friends and Family.
This is related to the problem of official deadlines and prioritization. In terms of importance alone, most Grad students would easily rank friends and family far above the tedious work of Grad School. However, returning that phone call or getting together for that dinner doesn't carry an official deadline, so it often gets put off a little longer than it should. In a way, then, friends and family are being conditioned for the future parenthood of the Grad student as much as the Grad student himself (or herself).

Fortunately, though, your average friend or family member is much more likely to comprehend the demands placed on the parents of a newborn than those placed on a Grad student, unless they themselves have chosen at some point to endure the masochistic nightmare that is Grad School. It's much easier to imagine why a new parent with a screaming baby doesn't answer the phone than to imagine why the same person, staring silently at a blank computer screen, won't return your calls.

So with new parents, friends and family start to preface emails and voicemails with ever-so-kind concessions like, "I know you're really busy, so you don't have to call me back right away...." It's really quite touching.

5) Sleep.
Grad school not only adequately prepares you for the lack of sleep you'll experience as a new parent, it actually over-prepares you.

Grad school makes it possible at 5:30am, having gotten only 3 1/2 hours of sleep that night, to think, "It could be worse. I could be writing a 20-page paper in Spanish on the use of Lacanian linguistics as a basis for a Feminist reading of One Hundred Years of Solitude."

In other words, it's much easier to feed a baby on one-hour spurts of interrupted sleep than it is to write coherent strings of theoretical jargon in a foreign language.

Top 1 Way Grad School Doesn't Prepare You for Parenthood:

1) Coffee.
While doctors agree that a "moderate" amount of caffeine is harmless during the 40 weeks of pregnancy and the many months of nursing that may follow, this allowance is nowhere near the quantity necessary to support the caffeine addiction one likely will develop in Grad School. Therefore, it is recommended to put at least one full year between finishing Grad School and getting pregnant in order to sufficiently wean oneself from this oh-so-tasty drug.

Some days are easier than others...

2007-05-04T11:56:00.000-04:00

and so far, today looks like the Second-Easy-Day-In-A-Row.

other new moms (still getting used to that title) will surely understand that this simply means that baby Will is either sleeping or calmly entertaining his awake self. for the moment, it is the former. yesterday, it was the former practically all day long.

don't get me wrong--i love when the little sweetie is awake, and i have no qualms about cuddling him just as much as he wants to be cuddled. i mean, who could resist such cuteness?

but, days like yesterday are quite needed to maintain some level of sanity. yesterday, i was able to:

-straighten the living room (burp cloths everywhere!)

-clean the kitchen (even the floor)

-take out the trash (not my favorite chore...)

-change the sheets on the bed (even to my OCD standards)

-eat a real lunch (all four food groups!)

-unload and reload the dishwasher (did that while making lunch)

-wash, dry, fold AND put away 2 loads of laundry (that never happened even before Will came along)

-vacuum the whole house (yep. with our loud-as-a-lawnmower vacuum. while Will was sleeping. because Will is awesome.)

so, now you're all thinking i'm a neat-freak (or just really weird) for being excited about doing these kinds of things all day. far from it--just ask darren. i can tolerate messiness much longer than he can.

but, honestly, it felt great to accomplish something during the day, to be able to make a list (above) of quantifiable tasks that i had completed. it's a different feeling than thinking "hmmmmm, what did i do today? oh, fed the baby, burped the baby, rocked the baby to sleep, changed the baby's diaper, fed the baby, burped the baby...."

now that i think about it, it's the same feeling i got from knitting random things while working on my thesis and while trying to survive last semester (teaching 5 classes, the play, karate, being pregnant). knitting gave me something concrete at which to look and say, "ha! i made this! i have tangible proof that i have been productive today!" so now, that tangible proof has become a clean apartment.

and on a final note, i realized in the process that i am very thankful for 2 things:

1-that our apartment is so small. sounds silly, but i never could've cleaned the whole thing in one day otherwise. and then the feeling of accomplishment would've been greatly compromised.

2-my dear husband, who noticed the clean apartment not 2 seconds after coming home last night and kept complimenting & thanking me for it. i hope Will grows up to be just like his daddy.

so far, he seems well on his way (see darren's latest post).

(by the way, sorry for long gap in posting. as i said, some days are easier than others, and it's been hard to find time to squeeze it in. and i decided to just jump right in to talking about the present day, rather than catch up on everything since my last post. if you want more on what's been going on, see darren's blog.)

thank God it's sunny out

2007-02-27T13:13:00.000-05:00

or i might be having a bad day. but those of you who know me well know that i can't help but be in a blissful mood the first several weeks of spring. (and it didn't even get really cold this year...)

so why might i have been in a bad mood otherwise, you ask? well, it really comes down to three things: pants, receipts and food.

let's start with the pants.

while being pregnant, and especially now that i'm getting rather large, i have really tried to focus on the things i can do instead of things i can't. and because God is gracious, i can still do lots of things.

for instance, karate. i can still do self-defense techniques, jabs and punches, and katas, even though i can't much kick anymore or (sigh) do the crunches and push-ups during our warm-up.

what does this have to do with pants? i'm getting to that.

another thing i can still do, much to even my own surprise, is paint my toenails and shave my legs. be impressed. this is significant because it means i can also wear skirts, capris and sandals. again, those who know me well know how eagerly i await the first chance to don such clothing every spring.

which brings us to the pants. i had this great idea to roll up my maternity jeans today--you know, with big fat cuffs--thus turning them into cute little capris. only said maternity jeans decided not to fit so comfortably. fortunately, a friend in my department has so generously lent me several pairs of pants, including some brown gaucho maternity pants, so i wore them instead. but i did have to forego my rolled capri look, about which i had been really excited (insert only half-serious pouty face here).

well, to cure my pseudo-poutiness, i tried going out to the JCPenney at the mall to exchange a couple of shirts i got for Christmas which i thought i'd grow into, but still haven't. they're really cute polo shirts (one is lime green!), so i was pumped about getting them in a smaller size. just one problem--this JCPenney has no maternity section. okay, so i'll get store credit, then use it to buy the shirts online, right?

wrong. apparently, amid the big stack of JCPenney gift receipts i brought along, i had managed to misplace the one for these shirts. obviously, since the shirts had been bought a while back, they were on super-low clearance now, so returning them would only give me a few bucks to spend online. way to go losing that receipt, jenna. (insert sincere pouty face here).

which brings us to the food. the other part of my poutiness-recovery plan was to stop by our apartment on the way back from the mall to pick up the leftover pesto chicken pasta i had planned to eat for lunch today but had forgotten at home this morning.

but then a reminder sounded from my cell phone which read: "be at office early--1pm". apparently, i had made an appointment with a student for half an hour before my office hours usually begin, but i had forgotten about that, too. fortunately, my keen foresight had led my to put this appointment into my phone. unfortunately, this also meant no lunch.

so here i am, in my office, hungry, wearing ever-so-comfy-but-not-what-i-had-planned-to-wear gaucho pants, devising a plan to shrink these polo shirts by washing them in really hot water and drying them with high heat (they're 97% cotton, so it should work, right?), and wondering...

where the heck is that student?!?!?

hey, mr. kroger bagger,

2007-02-17T14:06:00.000-05:00

why did you stop putting my milk in a bag? now, when i carry in my groceries, it takes a whole hand to carry just the milk, whereas i used to grab three or four bags with that one hand.

can anyone tell me if this is a trend throughout the whole kroger organization? do they do this at your local kroger? would it be rude to ask for my milk in a bag? i mean, i do recycle those bags, so it's no harm done to the environment...

moving on to other topics, is being rude and reckless a requirement to own a Toyota Sequoia? i can cite three different instances just this week to support this hypothesis. but i thought people who bought Toyotas were supposed to be smart and practical.

maybe it's because they're still trying to hold onto the american dream of driving a huge suv, but at the same time they're trying to save a little gas money? perhaps this internal conflict is what has driven so many Sequoia drivers to such completely asenine behavior on the road?

on a more positive note, all is well at the grem place. william has started playing a kicking game with us, i.e., when he pushes out his little foot, we push it back in, then he kicks...it's kinda like a foot fight, only we're just using our fingertips. very fun, indeed. also, we should have another picture of him this coming tuesday--this time in 3D!

hope all is well with you, whoever you are, as you read this mostly pointless and rambling post!

Metaphors

2007-02-06T13:12:00.000-05:00

I'm a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils.
O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!
This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.
Money's new-minted in this fat purse.
I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I've eaten a bag of green apples,
Boarded the train there's no getting off.

~Sylvia Plath

all quiet on the blogging front

2007-01-19T11:59:00.000-05:00

yep, that's in reference to all of you people who are supposed to help me procrastinate by writing enthralling blog entries everyday...

i guess i'm guilty of the quietness, too....

nothing really to post, except that i have a hot date with my hot husband tonight :)

can't give any details about what we're doing because it's a surprise for him, too. all i can say is, what'd i say? for some of you (i.e., darren) that might be enough....

did you know...

2007-01-15T10:00:00.000-05:00

that the Babies R Us maternity clothes section has no fitting rooms?

i thought about dedicating a whole post to that topic and all its absurdity...but i'm sure you can all imagine more or less what i have to say about it. i'm saving all my energy for the comment card i'm sending to Babies R Us headquarters. in case they actually read those things.

at any rate, i've thought about blogging several times lately, but the more i consider any potential blog topic, the less blog-worthy it seems. like the Babies R Us absence of fitting rooms, for example.

i did do a little reflecting over the last year and decided that, overall, it was one of the most fruitful years i've had in a while, though not necessarily the easiest. here's why.

in 2006...

-we had our first anniversary
-i wrote a 90 page thesis on Nuyorican poetry and mostly managed to enjoy the process
-i also managed to justify a 'research trip' to NYC for said thesis, with 2 of my favorite people ever
-i got a master's degree
-i rode the Goliath at six flags, probably the best roller coaster ever (while pregnant, unbeknownst to me)
-i started karate lessons
-i was in my first play ever (singing, no less!)
-i taught my first literature class, which was a relative success
-we conceived our first child!

not quite a top ten list, but i blame that on the decidedly UNfruitful summer teaching syllabification to third graders ("if you have one consonant between two vowels, first divide the syllable before the consonant and try a long vowel sound for the first vowel. Then, divide the syllable after the consonant and try a short vowel sound for the first syllable").

of course, we're looking forward to many more firsts in 2007, this time not quite so me-centered. first smile, first laugh, first tooth...we can't wait to see all these little miracles!

and now that i have done my new year's reflection post, maybe i will find more to write about soon. like how hysterically ridiculous Demetri Martin is. seriously, you gotta watch his new comedy show.

"We can't let the openness of the day paralyze us."

2006-12-07T13:51:00.000-05:00

that was darren's response to my giddy excitement over having slept in until 8:30 this morning and knowing all i really have to do today is get 6 research papers graded. piece of cake.

needless to say, it's been a good day so far. it started with a yummy cup of french press coffee, caffeine and all. it was, perhaps, the yummiest coffee i've had in a long time. but since i've severely restrained my caffeine intake of late, it did leave me quite zippy, if you will. hence the aforementioned giddy excitement.

desperate for structure lest i should waste the entire day, i called my good friend karen-the-great, who gave me a firm talking-to. "I'll only meet you for lunch if you have two papers graded by 12:30," said she.

i graded three.

then, we shared a fabulous lunch at the stand of tacos. and today, unlike most days, the cashier actually agreed with me that, since the menu says chunky salsa comes free with the soft quesadilla, he should give me the chunky salsa free with my soft quesadilla. twas delicioso.

so now it's 2 pm. i have a meeting at 4, and three papers left to grade before going to bed tonight.

i think i'll write some Christmas cards.

an early wish

2006-11-16T10:03:00.000-05:00

so, it's not snowing any time soon in athens, but becca inspired me to make my own snowflake. i think i will offer it to the snow gods as a plea for some real snow in georgia this year. and i'm putting it here for you all, because i am very proud of it, in a kind of silly, infantile way...

William Mason Grem

2006-11-15T14:31:00.000-05:00

Like any true Mason or Grem, little Will's first instinct was to quietly prove (almost) everyone wrong.*

Even though lots of people were convinced this one was a little girl, we have pretty solid proof to the contrary. Which means someone else could be having a little girl soon...or maybe that will be our next one.

As for his name, William is after Darren's father, and Mason is after mine. We're still considering Miles in place of Mason, but my brother has made some serious threats regarding that one.

But then again, Scøupe hasn't seen my middle block and back leg roundhouse kick. I could take him. Piece of cake.

*i am, in fact, aware of this split infinitive, but i am using it purposefully for the sake of both the meaning and rhythm of the sentence.

an instructor's best friend

2006-11-08T15:30:00.000-05:00

so last night, post-post, i finally gave up grading with 6 essays to go and went to bed at midnight. i managed not to completely fulfill my horoscope--the rage at the disastrous midterm essays* did not, in fact, turn murderous. because i don't know where my students live.**

i realize now, however, that i was not alone in my distress.*** to the contrary, i discovered that Feral Cat, with all her whiny meowing last night, which also irritated me, was actually uttering cries of sympathy and possibly even threats against my students to parallel my own anger.

i know this because, this morning, darren related to me the events of the evening after i went to bed. apparently, for a few moments, Feral was choking in that way that cats do when they have a hairball. gross, i know.

but then, the marvelous Feral Cat walked directly to the stack of essays i had abandoned beside the coffee table and vomited on them.****

all i have to say is, thanks Feral Cat. you read my mind.

and thanks, darren, for cleaning it up so i could carelessly enjoy the poetic justice of it all.

*disastrous because they confirmed my suspicion that 67% of my students have not, in fact, taken advantage of the comments i have so tediously written on their 6 response papers so far. comments which i basically repeated , verbatim, on said midterms (for the last time).

**to be fair, not ALL the essays were bad. in fact, nine students wrote papers that provided such great relief from the verbal wasteland of despair that i joyously gave them A's and even A+'s.

***of course, darren and karen have shared this burden all semester, but that goes without saying.

****fortunately (or not), i had left an unrelated piece of paper on top of the stack, so none of them were actually damaged. but, hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

my Onion horoscope

2006-11-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

Seriously, here it is:

Gemini:

You will fly into a blind, towering, destructive, psychotic, and ultimately murderous rage this week over the excessive use of adjectives in today's popular writing.

I've been grading midterm papers all day.

eat it.

2006-10-23T16:42:00.000-04:00

it all made sense today.

i've always wondered why the old adage chose cake as the thing that you can't have and eat.

more importantly, why would someone want to just have a cake? i mean, cake is for eating. simple as that. even a wedding cake isn't too pretty to gobble up.

then today, i glanced at the almost-gone carrot cake that i made last thursday for some company we had friday. there's probably enough left for three or four hefty slices. and this made me sad.

me, the same person who begged people to take some cake home with them friday night so we wouldn't have too much left over. me, who's only eaten one more slice since friday...and a couple random bites here and there.

now, it should be known (if you weren't here for the girly candle party friday night) that this is my step-mom's infamously decadent carrot cake, which has converted many a carrot-cake-hater into a carrot-cake-devourer. but still, why this sudden sadness when everyone had enjoyed a slice, and i had enjoyed two?

well, here's what i've decided. to have a cake means to know it will always be there whenever you want it. i have some cake right now, but there's not enough left to convince me that, should i have a craving for carrot cake three days from now, it will still be readily available.

so which should one choose, to have a cake or to eat it? the obvious choice is still to eat it--if you don't, it will go bad and you will neither have nor eat it (hopefully). but, knowing that you can't have it forever should impact the way you eat it: slowly, passionately, hedonistically relishing every bite.

of course, the same goes for everything a cake could stand for, that is, everything good in life. when things are going well, your bills are paid, your friends are true friends, work is bearable, the weather is nice, whatever it may be, eat it up. and don't feel one ounce of guilt about enjoying things that are meant to be enjoyed. just remember cake is always better when it's shared, and if it runs out, you've still got 2 things left:

great memories and the hope that someday, there will be more cake.

me and Big Brown

2006-10-17T16:48:00.001-04:00

yep. he's back. warm, cuddly Big Brown and i have been spending lots of time together...drinking hot cider...reading (student papers)...cuddling up on the couch with the Feral Cat. this makes four years that we've spent autumn together, and it's better every year. especially since it's my favorite time of year. and don't worry, darren's not jealous--he's got The Boss and Maverick to keep him company.

in other news, we went to the doctor again and discovered that we have a magic scale at our house. seriously, i could sell it for big bucks. according to our scale, i haven't gained a pound in 14 1/2 weeks of pregnancy. according to the doctor, i have gained 6 pounds in 2 weeks. this is a relief for me, but imagine the ordinary, non-pregnant woman. who wouldn't want a scale that miraculously kept you from knowing you had gained weight?

now, if they're like me, they would still question why their clothes fit differently. but, many women obviously rely more on numbers than appearances, because they will flip out over gaining two pounds even when they look as fabulous as ever. so, surely they would believe my magic scale as well.

hmmmm. maybe i can make a little income on the side by marketing this thing. maybe even put little willmily through college....

in other news, i think i found an atrocity to rival the $3.75 small steamer at jittery joe's. $5.25 baked potato at the bulldog cafe.

yep.

$5.25.

for a potato.

with butter and sour cream.

it's appalling what people will charge when the majority of their clientel are not spending their own money.

our baby weighs as much as a slice of cheese

2006-10-12T10:40:00.000-04:00

whether this means american processed cheese-based "food product" (yep, read the label), or a slightly denser, much more delicious deli cheese such as cheddar or meunster, who can tell? and how thick is the slice? how big? everyone knows that deli slices are about twice the size or regular singles.

the people who write these little "as your baby grows" factoids have no sensitivity to cultural bias.

high five

2006-10-05T14:37:00.000-04:00

many of you know that we got our first ultrasound the other day, and many of you have already seen the picture on darren's blog. he always beats me to the punch, mainly because he works in front of the computer all day and needs to divert his attention from work every now and then. but, for those who haven't seen litte grem yet, here he/she is!

we were obviously thrilled to get such a clear picture of our little baby in there, giving us either a thumbs up or a #1 signal. or, as others have postulated, singing into an air mike.

top 5 things we know about the baby so far:

1) baby LOVES potatoes in all forms

2) baby likes for momma to get lots of sleep

3) baby has no desire to try boca burgers

4) baby loves shakespeare. i mean, he/she's already been in a shakespeare production!

5) baby will either love roller coasters, or have an awkward sense of balance, since momma definitely went on six flags' new "goliath" at a mere 3 weeks pregnant

top 5 things we've learned about being pregnant:

1) no matter how much or how vehemently you object, people will call you "prego" and "preggers". why this is, we have yet to find out. i mean, really, people. prego is a spaghetti sauce.

2) like baby, momma LOVES potatoes in all forms

3) being pregnant means no cooking raw meat or changing cat litter :(

4) even before you start showing, people will try to carry things for you, offer you their seat and do all kinds of little favors, just because they know you're pregnant. it's awful. really. ;)

5) and finally, pregancy makes you an airhead. for example, in the past few days, here are some words that have completely escaped me mid-conversation: reassure, distraught, the spanish word for scissors (tijeras)....also, i just had a student in my 1002 spanish class make up an in-class composition. rather than give her the right topic from the 1002 class, i mistakenly gave her the topic from the 2001 class. needless to say, she was surprised by the difficulty of the question, though very forgiving when she realized what had happened.

on a last note, thanks to everyone for all their congratulations. it's comforting to know that people aren't frightened at the thought of more little grem-mason children. and fear not, there will be plenty more to come!

blogs that is...we'll decide about more children once we get the first one out.

"...so much to say and no language to say it in"*

2006-09-13T13:57:00.000-04:00

i confess. i have coweringly postponed the posting of "the news".

how does one blog about something so completely life-altering? it's a daunting and tremblesome task, emotionally comparable to the President's delivery of a memorial address two days ago.**

you must give a speech. everyone already knows what you will say, but you still have to say it. and make it sound new and unexpected and engaging. the information is neither new nor unexpected, so your audience will likely concentrate on style rather than content. it is style that engages...or exhausts.

you want to use those weary, worn-out words because, for you, they have taken on new life.

miracle. future. joy. life. love.

but you know these empty clichés only clash with your heart-filled purpose.

how do you polish a word to make it convey truth when everyday use has so cheapened its meaning?

a miracle is not the nearest parking space at the mall.
a future is not a dream job with six figures.
joy is not clean dishes.
life is not a sport.
love is not mcdonald's.

what these things are, we will continue to discover little by little. and we will spend lifetimes trying to articulate the revelation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*from My Name is Aram, by William Saroyan
**i am aware of the pretentiousness of this claim--forgive me if i overstate my case

maybe a quarter-life crisis...or just a stirring in my soul

2006-07-12T14:39:00.000-04:00

(props to anyone who recognizes the title of this post)

i definitely wouldn't call it a 'crisis', because that term carries such negativity that it doesn't describe at all what life post-25th-birthday has been for me. i would rather say it has been a turning point, or a getting-over-the-early-twenties-plateau, as it were.

un punto de partida.

i also wouldn't call it 'quarter-life'--i mean how many people really live to be 100? maybe someone invented that term so as not to admit that they were probably 1/3 of the way through. (if you're bad with fractions, that's even more than a quarter)

anyway, in light of the irrecuperability of an estimated one-third of my life span, i've decided i'd better start acting like a kid again. taking chances. learning new things. possibly looking stupid and not caring.

it started with the knitting, right around the time of my half-birthday back in december. that's in full throttle now, and you've all got handmade Christmas presents coming up. but knitting is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, and if you make a mistake, no one has to know about it. (except darren, who will attest to the dramatic rise in my use of profanity when i am knitting. and all you people thought it was a relaxing and brainless activity...)

just after the big-two-fiver, i joined a karate class. though i had no previous knowledge whatsoever of karate, it's a freaking blast. and (youngest child--must brag about every little thing!) my sensei said i was progressing really quickly.

even though i can hardly stand up right now due to monday's karate class, i am hooked. not just on karate, but on trying things i'm not sure i can really do.

so last night, on a whim, i auditioned for The Tempest with the fabulous Karen the Great (Karen the Fabulously Great?). i made this decision not knowing that the audition would involve singing.

by myself.

in front of strangers.

those who know me well can imagine my horror at the idea.

and i was cast...
...
...
...
as a member of the chorus.

yes, i am quite shocked. i'm also really excited, especially since the part i was going for (Miranda) might've been a bit much for a super-busy rookie with not as much time to practice as she would like to believe.

(unlike the never-busy-and-actually-quite-lazy (ha!) Karen the Spectacular, who was cast in a lead role as Evil Woman Usurper, a.k.a. Antonia.)

so, if you've ever asked me to sing and i vehemently refused, or if you've never seen karen's evil side, here's your chance!

i post; therefore, i am*

2006-06-16T20:57:00.000-04:00

given the long delays between posts on everyone else's blog lately**, i don't really feel obliged to begin with the typical apology. but i will give a explanation of my descent into blogospheric obscurity by way of a brief update in the lives of the grems.

we have been cleaning our house.

it's more exciting than it seems, really. we ditched an ungodly amount of junk which, in our post-matrimonial rush to get settled in, we apparently had just hidden wherever we found space. we organized and appropriately stored what we had left. we've also purchased a few accessories to give each room some shred of character or consistency, and we tossed a bunch of unwanted knickknacks we'd accumulated over God-knows-how-long.

less clutter = easier to clean = less stress.

likewise,

less clutter = more relaxing atmosphere = less stress.

to make a long story short, we're really excited about our new, clean home, and everyone should come see it while it still looks this way!!!

other than this life-changing process, darren and i have both been teaching reading classes, and darren has been writing up a storm on his dissertation prospectus. and i'll be taking karate lessons starting next thursday, so you only have six days left to make me mad before i will know how to really mess you up. watch out.

i've also been running a lot of errands, many having to do with our home makeover, which leads me to my final comments before knitting myself to sleep. i'd like to thank the following people for making today as successful and pleasant as a full day of running errands can be:

1-Darren--for taking the initiative on most of the house-cleaning/purging/reorganizing process. and for helping with dinner.

2-Michael's--for having a "1/2 off all custom framing sale***" that has finally allowed me to frame a huge sepia-tone print of grand central station in 1939.

3-the nice teenage cashier in Target who, unsolicited, passed on his mom's tip to use both sides of the swifter sheet before throwing it out.

4-the kind manager at the Shell station who gave me a free upgrade (from "express" to "the works") on my car wash since it wasn't working the day i paid for it.

5-the pleasant, possibly indian, owner of the new package store around the corner. for opening a new package store around the corner.

*holla if you caught my meticulously correct punctuation. minus the capitalization.

**rather than link all of them in the text, i will simply direct you to the side bar.

***sale ends this weekend.

through the eyes of a 50 year old stoner

2006-05-11T17:33:00.000-04:00

so, i went to the eye doctor today. mainly because the right lens popped out of my glasses, and i'm tired of fixing it myself, but also because my eyesight has gotten notably worse from spending the past four months glued to a computer screen. and because i've been seeing this little spot floating around in my right eye for at least a month.

so, they fixed the frames (permanently, i hope), gave me an eye exam, and dilated my eyes to check out the mysterious spot. that's where the fun begins.

while i was waiting for them to finish up my new lenses, i wandered over to the GAP and New York & Co to look for a new white t-shirt and white sleeveless shirt--must-haves for a hot summer of teaching and pretending to be all professional. can't show up to class with a dingy white shirt on!

anyway, the ever-so-nice-though-probably-not-sincere GAP employee kindly told me her name and to find her if i needed anything...while i most likely had a bizarre look on my face as i tried to get her face in focus. remember--dilated eyes.

i'm pretty sure she thought i was high, and i'm pretty sure she went and told all her GAP buddies that some girl was totally stoned and asking about white tops. so now i know how stoned people feel when they shop at the GAP: paranoid.

back at the eye store, i had to sign my credit card receipt, which was also rather embarassing, since my pupils were the size of tangerines. this meant that to find the appropriate line to sign, i had to--oh, yes--hold the receipt at arm's length. now i also know how it feels to be fifty.

on a positive note, though, my vision is only slightly worse prescription-wise, and the 'floater' is harmless and not a sign of anything serious. and, since i don't graduate until saturday, my conscience was perfectly clear as i used my student discount for the last time. for now, at least.

Ode ao quiejo quente

2006-05-02T12:53:00.000-04:00

O queijo quente
O amo muito profundamente.
Quando estou com fome,
Eu penso em seu nome.
Minha amiga me apresentou você,
e agora é o tema preferido de Josué.*
Preciso come-lo todo o dia,
e isto me da muita alegria.
Quando eu estou a seu lado,
Meu espírito diz obrigado.
Na aula de português,
Escrevi sobre você con rapidez.
O queijo quente,
O amo, obviamente.

~Amy Hernández

*Josué é o nome de nosso professor de português

[tradução em inglês:

Oh, hot cheese,
I love you profoundly.
When I am hungry,
I think on your name.
My friend introduced you to me,
And now you're the favorite topic of Josh.
I need to eat you all day long,
And this gives me much happiness.
When I am by your side,
My spirit says thank you.
In Portuguese class,
I wrote about you very quickly.
Oh, hot cheese,
I love, obviously.]

Easter, baskets, eggs and chickens

2006-04-19T15:58:00.000-04:00

these have all played an important part in my week thus far.

first, we had a lovely Easter, complete with family (mostly via telephone), friends, food, and...Easter baskets! mine contained a stuffed bunny that smells like chocolate. pretty fantastic.

speaking of baskets, remember the old aphorism "don't put all your eggs in one basket"?

wise folks, those aphorists. while there were no eggs in my Easter basket, i had unwittingly put a lot of proverbial eggs in the a certain proverbial basket labeled 'Getting Hired as a Spanish Instructor at UGA for the Academic Year 2006-2007'. you know, eggs like "how we will make money for the next year" and "how i will evaluate my own skill and value as a person with an MA in Spanish Literature". clearly, those eggs belong in another basket.

okay, so that metaphor is getting a little out of hand. let's move on to the chickens. yes, yes, the chickens you're not supposed to count before they hatch. apparently, i also had been doing just that, subconsciously of course, when i considered being hired as an instructor as a given (since i had been awarded an Outstanding Teaching Award by the same department one month prior).

i think you can see where this is going. jenna, the chicken-counting basket-stuffer did not, in fact, get hired.

after the initial splattering of eggs on the ground (remember, the ones of financial security & self-esteem?), i've now decided to take a different stance on the whole situation. for one thing, i can now sympathize with some dear friends in similar situations, and put my money (or lack of it) where my mouth is. that is, believe what i've been telling others about how God is our source of worth and provision, not our job (or...lack of it).

as this is an issue with which God really likes to beat me over the head, i would appreciate your prayers.

so, coming back to Easter, that afternoon, i was surrounded by folks for whom God has been faithfully providing despite difficult circumstances. i am poignantly reminded of His grace to us, which comprises the real reason we celebrate Easter. He has made the ultimate provision, a substitute to pay for our outstanding debt to him. what else do i have to worry about?

for those who thought it wasn't me

2006-04-18T14:41:00.000-04:00

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Shatter Ninja
Your Superpower is Paranormal
Your Weakness is Crystals
Your Weapon is Your Golden Saber
Your Mode of Transportation is Dinosaur

What's your Superhero Name?

Favorite Uncle John Quotation of the Day

2006-04-06T15:23:00.001-04:00

"Don't be surprised if you get a hangover along the way to redemption."

a post so interesting, you'd think i wrote it myself!

2006-04-02T16:21:00.000-04:00

April Fools' Day Origin

There are several explanations for the origin of April Fools' Day, but here is the most plausible one. April 1st was once New Year's Day in France. In 1582, Pope Gregory declared the adoption of his Gregorian calendar to replace the Julian calendar and New Year's Day was officially changed to January 1st. It took awhile for everyone in France to hear the news of this major change and others obstinately refused to accept the new calendar, so a lot of people continued to celebrate New Year's Day on the first of April – earning them the name April fools. The April fools were subjected to ridicule and practical jokes and the tradition was born. The butts of these pranks were first called poisson d'avril or April fish because a young naive fish is easily caught. A common practice was to hook a paper fish on the back of someone as a joke. This evolved over time and a custom of prank-playing continues on the first day of April.

and on a completely unrelated sidenote, happy birthday to cool hand crawdaddy longlegs wraparound.

stress relief

2006-03-31T17:36:00.000-05:00

the other day darren and i were taking some, um, online quizzes together...for like an hour or two...because we're dorks. very fun way to learn new things about your hubby/wifey. there was one question, though, that threw us for a loop. not a big loop, but a little "hmmmm" loop: "What do you do on a stressful day to make yourself feel better?" some of the choices were watch tv, take a nap, go buy lots of stuff, talk to friends, etc.

to my surprise, darren thought i should put "go buy things". i mean, i like to shop, so there is some truth to his assessment of me. but on stressful days, i will usually just buy one little thing. like fun socks or a cool shirt on sale. does that really count?

this, then, made me wonder if i actually do shop to relieve stress. which would be bad. because we're in GRAD SCHOOL. so i've been paying extra careful attention to my stress management strategies this week....

which brings me to today. it had all the makings of a bad day, especially since i was expecting a good one.

to begin with, i got up before dawn. i should've known this was a bad idea--it leaves way too much time for things to go wrong. but, i got up before dawn anyway, with the purpose of going to the gym, showering there, and getting to work on my thesis by about 9am. getting things done relieves stress, right? right.

the exercise was great. all downhill from there, though. painfully downhill, since i strained my IT band (again) while doing 15 minutes of warmup walking on a stupid elliptical machine. this makes for a lot of pain walking down hills (like i have to do everyday to get to one building where i teach) and steps (like i have to use everyday to get to my floor in the other, newly renovated building where i teach--which has no elevator.)

even after the straining, i was still in a pretty good mood, as long as i wasn't walking anywhere. i went to my department and planned my lesson for today. done. and getting things done relieves stress.

then i went to starbuck's and purchased a delicious vanilla latte to be had as i sat down to work at the corner of downtown athens on a perfect 76-degrees-and-cloudy-so-the-sun's-not-even-in-my-eyes kind of day.

but what's this? my computer gives me an error message saying it basically hates me, it hates itself, and it wishes i would just go throw it in a dumpster down the street. either that or melt my jump drive in a fire somewhere. the two apparently have not been getting along. and here i am in the middle of an electronic love triangle:

jump drive not liking laptop, but working fine with desktop. desktop finds out about jump drive's escapades with laptop and starts picking fights with jump drive, too. chapter-i'm-supposed-to-be-writing gets corrupted by fighting parents and locks himself in a dark room somewhere, not giving me permission to come in.

fortunately, sneaky me found a way to get to the file...after another hour and a half (involving a little anger, some colorful words, and a painful walk back to my department).

this puts us at roughly 12:45. i teach from 1:25 to 3:20. then i realize i haven't eaten since that cup of yogurt before sunrise, and i'm stressed because getting things done relieves stress, and i haven't gotten anything done.

so (back to the point of this post), what do i do?

THIS.

this, my friends, is a homemade veggie sandwich on ciabatta bread brushed with olive oil and toasted, complete with greek style hummus, cucumbers, monterey jack cheese, plum tomatoes, banana peppers, garlic and herb feta, avocado, and sundried tomato vinaigrette dressing.

what does this mean? that i pig out when i'm stressed? sometimes, but that's not really it. no more than the shopping theory.

when i'm stressed, i do something i'm good at. like using a dangling preposition. and i am good at making myself a sandwich. i make myself pretty much the best sandwiches i've ever eaten. and the pleasure's as much in the making as in the eating.

same with shopping. i am pretty awesome at finding great deals on things. and that's why it's so satisfying. the pleasure's as much in the deal-ing (?) as in the wearing.

and, finally, i am darn good at rambling on my blog about silly things in order to ultimately give myself a compliment on my sandwich-making abilities. but don't come asking me to make you one--i've got a chapter to write.

fun things

2006-03-25T21:11:00.000-05:00

just thought i'd share the highlights of st. paddy's day, and a few shots of daily life since then.

be sure to find a hiding critter in this photo--at first i thought it was my own reflection, until i realized that was physically impossible...

here's why i really married darren--i wanted our children to learn how to drink guinness the right way.

and here's a game of scrabble the other night. darren pretty much got played under the table...

by Feral Cat

and finally,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KAREN!!!
woohoo!

Thesis Quotation of the Day

2006-03-22T16:01:00.000-05:00

"In a way, I think Shakespeare was a Nuyorican."

~Miguel Algarín, founder, Nuyorican Poets Cafe

Lisa, Dr. Seuss and Blogthings

2006-03-21T11:54:00.000-05:00

Thing One:

mad props to KTG for pointing me to 'the quiz to end all quizzes'.

Thing Two:

correction--i'm apparently not Totally Addicted to Blogthings Quizzes.

You Are 53% Addicted to Blogthings

You're a Blogthings fiend - addicted but not totally dependent.
So what if you know your personality type by heart?
And while you may feel like Blogthings is crack...
There are people much worse off than you!

How Addicted To Blogthings Are You?

the donut theory

2006-03-17T18:21:00.002-05:00

those of you who have known me for a while have surely heard my donut theory. well, it finally caught on, and now there's a online quiz for it.

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you.
But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft.
You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily.
You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

there are only two flaws with this analysis:

1) i do like to change it up pretty often, so the pouting thing...not so much. i'll eat any kind of donut, or anything sweet for that matter.

2) technically, i'm not a krispy kreme boston creme donut, because they fill it with that super-sugary icing kind of creme. i prefer the bavarian creme inside. while darren argues that this makes me the type of donut that doesn't exist, it actually does at dunkin donuts.

and by the way, i am totally addicted to online quizzes, if you couldn't tell...

on irishivitariousness

2006-03-17T18:21:00.001-05:00

first, in an obnoxious show of youngest-child arrogance, i'd like to point out that mine is the only unpinchable blog in this circle of bloggers. and that it, as well as the picture it contains, were irishy long before this funnest of all fun holidays.

i have to do it, because i look less irish than all my irish-ancestry diaspora friends, family & husband. it's the cherokee in me, poor under-holidayed heritage...

that said, here's a Post O'tribute to those who beat me to St. Paddy's Day Blogging:

Your Irish Name Is...

Izett Flynn

What's your Irish Name?

You're 55% Irish

You're very Irish, and most likely from Ireland.
(And if you're not, you should be!)

How Irish Are You?

also, if you're not so much enjoying the holiday, if you're lamenting lost loves that broke up with you in April (the cruelest month)...here's some comfort.

That said, I'm now going to use my Irish heritage as an excuse to celebrate in the midst of thesis-writing...

Erin go bragh!!!

to beg or not to beg?

2006-03-06T18:27:00.000-05:00

Gilbert Gottfried is appearing at the Georgia Theatre in Athens on Wednesday.

Which begs the question:

Is Gottfried desperate for an audience or is the Georgia Theatre desperate for a show?

"The hedonistic and play elements in culture are as important as the intellectual" (Alan Swingewood, The Myth of Mass Culture)

2006-03-01T15:53:00.000-05:00

i'm a big fan of life

2006-02-27T15:30:00.000-05:00

Top 10 Reasons To Give Blood

1. You will get free juice and cookies. mmmmm...nutterbutters....

2. You will weigh less - one pint less when you leave than when you came in.

3. It's easy and convenient - it only takes about an hour and you can make the donation at a donor center, or at one of the many Red Cross mobile blood drives.

4. It's something you can spare - most people have blood to spare... yet, there is still not enough to go around. even broke grad students can spare it!

5. Nobody can ask you to do any heavy lifting as long as you have the bandage on. You can wear it for as long as you like. It's your badge of honor. in other words, milk it!

6. You will walk a little taller afterwards - you will feel good about yourself. not to mention people will think you're a good person.

7. You will be helping to ensure that blood is there when you or someone close to you may need it. Most people don't think they'll ever need blood, but many do.

8. It's something you can do on equal footing with the rich and famous - blood is something money can't buy. Only something one person can give to another. take that rich and famous!

9. You will be someone's hero - you may give a newborn, a child, a mother or a father, a brother, or a sister another chance at life. In fact, you may help save up to three lives with just one donation. i'm a type-o hero! my donor card says so!

10. It's the right thing to do. that's right, all you no-blood-giving heathens.

okay, you're not really heathens. well, you might be, but not for witholding your blood. do try to give blood soon if you can, though, since there is a shortage due to all the cold weather up north. apparently northerners give a lot of blood, and southerners need a lot of it.

and so you can be as good a person as me. and as important as bill gates. take that rich and famous!

(sorry, i've been really enjoying #8...)

this just in

2006-02-22T19:15:00.000-05:00

A new psychological study has recently shown that spending extended hours in a 4ft x 4ft room that is entirely undecorated except for sixty books bound in solid red, blue or green covers may have detrimental effects on a person's ability to sense such things as heat, cold, hunger, thirst, and wetness.

In one such case, the subject, having been permitted to leave the room after 6.2 hours, walked unsheltered into pouring rain at 57° Farenheit with no detectable signs of displeasure. Some researchers believed they even saw a smile on the subject's face as she headed slowly to an unknown destination.

Studies later showed that the 24 year old white female walked directly to a computer laboratory and began composing a message on a weblog, as known as a blog.

on concreteness.... concretivity.... concretion.... hmmmm.

2006-02-17T23:03:00.000-05:00

i've only recently discovered the immediate-gratificationariness...of concrete production, regardless of quality or quantity.

it started with learning to knit back in november (thanks anita!!!). of course, my scarf was hideous at first, and instead of getting better, it has only gotten more hilarious. but the act of producing something that i could feel & hold in my hands & say "I MADE THIS!" was eerily satisfying and even calming during a semester of high stress (when i shouldn't have been doing ANYthing but sleeping, eating and writing).

now i am trying to convince myself that these things i am studying and writing for my thesis, these "ideas" or "postulations" if you will, are in fact concrete. well, they will be once i print them out & hold in my hand a hard copy & say "I MADE THIS!".

at least that's what i'm telling myself. and if it doesn't do the therapeutic trick, then i'll have to go knit something.

but, for now, i can boldly proclaim to the world that i have, indeed, started the concretiary productionation of my thesis! all 462 words of it!!!

and they're rock solid, baby.

[the Rock explaining what I will deliver to the Big Bad Thesis Boogeyman on April 1st, 2006]

too hot to handle

2006-02-12T18:07:00.000-05:00

at a ripe young fifteen years, i, pressured by the weight of family tradition, began what i still consider my fall-back career if i ever get too cynical about ivory tower academia: waiting tables.

the danger of such a pursuit at such a young, naïve age? actually expecting other servers to be as sincerely *nice* as i myself once strived to be.

don't misunderstand me-i had my very bad days as a server. but when is it ever logical to be rude to your customers? it is much more satisfying to be overly nice to them and walk away with more of their money.

i write this after a double-dose of athens apathy in the realm of customer service. apparently if you wear clothes that are more than 30 years old and listen to The Clash, that entitles you to be obnoxious to all the normal lowlifes that eat at your restaurant with the sole intention of making you work unreasonably hard. you know who they are, those jerks that expect refills, ask how the vegannaise tastes and generally want you to be *nice* to them. ugh.

then these same high maintenance egotists have the nerve to go to a coffee shop and request their latte "extra hot." as if you should know what that means. you're only a barista, for crying out loud. what are you supposed to do? use a thermometer like they do at those *suburban* coffee shops?

please. this is athens. if you don't like our nonchalant ineptitude, then go to starbuck's, you yuppy middle-class student.

(next time i will, thanks.)

Tripoly

2006-02-08T22:22:00.000-05:00

i have finished the task i assigned myself this morning 36 minutes ahead of schedule. which means i can finally justify writing the post that has been steeping in my brain since last saturday. trust me, it's never good for something to be in there that long, lest it undergo gross distortions...

saturday. that was the day i worked (and chatted intermittently) for eleven hours at panera, during which time my darling husband cleaned our apartment.*

it was obviously quite thoughtful and selfless of him to do this, but what really struck me was how thoroughly he cleaned the place. we're talking dishes washed, carpets vacuumed, mirrors polished, bath tub and shower curtain scrubbed. and all clean enough to impress a wife with somewhat ridiculous standards of clean.**

so as i relaxed that evening, i thought of recent conversations about serving with our whole heart, as unto the Lord. no wonder it's pleasing to God when we put our full effort into something. i liked coming home to a clean house, but what was really touching was how hard darren worked to clean it.*** even though nothing we can do will ever fulfill what God deserves from us, even our imperfect attempts reflect a desire to please Him. i think it's that desire, not the work itself, that pleases Him most.

sunday. our pastor preached on giving, i.e. not holding back time, money, energy in our service to God, to the church and to others. i.e. serving with your whole heart and with all your trust in Him. it is rather easy to justify withholding these things, since they are in high demand in our day-to-day lives. but if we trust God and are willing to let these things go, He replenishes us and enables us to do more.

wednesday. in a mostly unrelated event, this morning i unconsciously applied to my wrists the same perfume i've been wearing for, oh, 8 years or so.**** folks seem to like it, but i can't really smell it anymore. for some reason, while i was studying in the library, i suddenly caught a whiff of it. it reminded of the two aforementioned events, each in their own way a sweet fragrance on a hectic day.

and it reminded me to thank God for all the ways He blesses us without holding back.

*the main reason i was at panera was that i find it very difficult to work at home when the apartment is so dirty. this is because, as some of you know and others may be shocked to learn, i suffer from a lethal combination of mild type-A tendencies and severe procrastination tendencies. in other words, i do my best, most obsessive cleaning when i should be focused on other, more time-sensitive tasks.

**when she actually does clean something

***and i don't exactly deserve that kind of service the way God does.

****Tuscany, that is. i remember loving it when i was 16, and my friend Katie wore it everyday.

if you can't beat 'em

2006-02-06T15:55:00.000-05:00

steal from 'em!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jennifer!

Jennifer can be very poisonous if injected intravenously.
According to the story, Pinocchio was made of Jennifer.
South Australia was the first place to allow Jennifer to stand for parliament.
Only 55 percent of Americans know that the sun is made of Jennifer.
Jenniferocracy is government by Jennifer.
In Vermont, the ratio of cows to Jennifer is 10:1!
If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Jennifer.
All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to Jennifer!
If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in Jennifer.
Olive oil was used for washing Jennifer in the ancient Mediterranean world.

prospectus, proschmectus

2006-01-25T18:14:00.000-05:00

too busy for a real post...all i have time to do is past along this hilarious blonde joke. enjoy!

giving in / living up

2006-01-08T17:25:00.000-05:00

for the past two weeks, every time i look at my blog, i think, "i need to blog again."

this thought is quickly followed by a prideful "i'm not doing one of those new year's resolution blogs where i arrogantly broadcast all my quasi-resolutions so that my dear, attentive friends can thoughtfully ask me how i'm doing keeping them at just the time when i've failed to keep them at all."

then comes, "wow, that's a really pessimistic take on resolutions, and i don't even feel pessimistic about this year."

which then serves to remind me how often and how strongly we hold onto feelings and resolutions, conscious and unconscious, that arose out of past hurts and disappointments and still manage to dictate many aspects of our present lives.

several years ago, i resolved, quite contradictorily, not to make over-ambitious new year's resolutions that somewhere deep down i knew i didn't intend to keep anyway. i would still think of certain areas in my life and habits that i wanted to improve, and would brainstorm practical, feasible ways of doing so, but would NOT share these with anyone and would certainly not label them "Resolutions". the pessimist, after all, suffers the least disappointment.

but what reason, or rather, what right do i have to be a pessimist when i have been so richly blessed by God's grace, not to mention all the tangible blessings He has bestowed on such a squanderer as myself? is there a difference between what i call pessimism and what the Word calls Unbelief? and is there anything more damaging to my relationship with God, husband, family, friends than distrust, unbelief and the pride that necessarily accompanies them?

when asked last evening by a dear friend about my refusal to make Resolutions, my answer seemed so, for lack of a better word, lame. it is pessimism. it is unbelief. it is fear of failure: a fear that betrays the still thriving belief that i should somehow be a success on my own, without Grace and without Help. and it is not only fear of failure, but fear of being seen to fail, fear of being naively hopeful, fear of being found out.

i don't want this year to be dictated by these fears. so here are my Resolutions, i.e., Prayers, for this and coming years:

-to be more attentive to the lives and needs of others, especially those close to me.
-to do less complaining and more building others up.
-to be more healthy
-to be more thankful for God's Grace and Blessings, the greatest of which are my family, my friends, new and old, and my husband.
-and finally, to believe.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

"All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

Philippians 3:7-16

Happy New Year.

"done and done"

2005-12-20T22:02:00.000-05:00

when i first heard this phrase from darren a couple years ago, i didn't really understand the need or logic of the repetition it involves.

[the conversation went something like this:

me: so you're done with grading?

he: done and done.

me: ...done AND done?

he: yeah, you've never heard that? i thought you grew up in the South.

me: but why repeat the done?

he: emphasis.

me: so you're saying that "done" by itself doesn't really mean "done"? it means half-done? almost done?

he: whatever it means, it's not the same as "done and done"]

now i think i understand it a little more. sometimes you're done with something, and you're just done. finished. no big deal.

but sometimes you're done with something, and you're really done. you're mentally, emotionally, physically so far from even thinking about that something that a simple "done" just won't do it.

it's like in high school (college) when you burn all the homework from a class as soon as you take the final exam.

or you destroy every piece of evidence of a relationship after a bad break up.

or you return sixty-four books to the UGA library after writing over 120 pages in 18 weeks.

over.
finished.
se acabó.

done AND DONE.

cautiously risky...? or just plain risky?

2005-12-12T22:56:00.000-05:00

so i am writing this paper. it's on irony in a certain phenomenal text, The Hour of the Star, by a certain phenomenal writer, Clarice Lispector. (coughreaditrebeccacoughcough!) Lispector claims she's not a writer, the narrative voice in the novel claims it's not a novel, the story is altogether beautifully self-contradictory. really impressive.

so, like i said, i am writing this paper on the irony of the novel, and i thought, what better way to write about irony than in an ironic style that mimics the text in question while still showing my familiarity with (and contribution to) the existing criticism about said novel?

part of the process would also be to mimic the false randomness of the novel, which (ironically) claims to have no technique or style, but obviously does. in doing so, i would also be practicing what is called by some (Irigaray & Cixous) l'ecriture femenine that subverts male-dominant discourse (which is unified and direct) by its plurality, multi-directionality and hibridity...

i think it could be brilliant! well, not really, but at least stylistic and fun, the opportunities for which are few and far between in grad school. there's only one problem....i'm not sure if my professors (yes, there are two) will approve of this or if they will think it's substandard writing because it won't exactly follow the (ahem, "male-dominant-unified-discourse") norms of academic writing....

in short, they'll either be delighted or disappointed.

while i feel pretty confident that i could argue my case quite successfully if the latter turns out to be true, i'm not sure i will have the opportunity, given that this is the last paper of the semester.

so here's my question: should i include a note of some sort to explain & justify my strategy, or be really bold and just do it without explanation like a true (fake) feminist???

the marshmallow buffer

2005-12-01T18:48:00.000-05:00

somehow it keeps the hot in hot chocolate way longer than is reasonable, so that when you finally get to the chocolate itself, it burns every tastebud off your tongue, and (since you can't just spit it out onto your carpet) you proceed to swallow it and burn every cell from your esophagus to your large intestine.

and you can't even taste to enjoy the rest of it.

The longest 12 days of my life...

2005-11-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

are over!

i passed!!!

thanks again to everyone for all your support.

most important thing i've learned from comps:

all my friends are apparently right next to their cell phones at exactly 6:54 p.m. on wednesdays. (thanks for the congratulatory texts!)

This is just to say

2005-11-29T22:21:00.000-05:00

I have recently learned two important things about William Carlos Williams:

1) he was half Puerto Rican, a biographical fact that is mysteriously omitted from most summaries of his life...

2) my well-read husband wasn't familiar with him, which led me to the frightful conclusion that many others also might not be!

so here are my favorites:

The Red Wheelbarrow

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens

==========================

This is just to say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

Ah, the library

2005-11-28T15:40:00.000-05:00

two journals seven days overdue: $45.00

one journal, also seven days overdue,
mysteriously catalogued as "lost or stolen": $250.00

estimated cost of emergency surgery after
consequent heart attack: $75,000.00

Having a friendly library employee on your side: PRICELESS.

Going

2005-11-21T18:42:00.000-05:00

first, i'd like to thank everyone for their encouragement, chicken salads, smart waves, cookie cakes, prayers, quiches, peppy cd's, hot teas, etc. you guys really know how to make a girl feel smart & loved.

i'm not sure yet how i did on the exam, although i will say i was thoroughly prepared, thanks to said encouragement, chicken salads, smart waves, cookie cakes, prayers, quiches, peppy cd's, hot teas, etc.

since i turned in the exam, i've had the feeling you get when you stay up all night writing what you think is an incredible essay, only to turn it in and either A) forget what the heck you wrote or 2) think you remember and think it was crap and it only seemed good because of the delirium you were suffering at the time you wrote it.

i'll let you know when i get the verdict, which will probably be after Thanksgiving.

in other news, does anyone know how to get one of these to write papers in Spanish? i've tried carrots, leafy greens, and my weight in gold.

i even tried gorgonzola cheese, just in case the Wallace and Gromit story was for real.

'Twas the night before...

2005-11-17T22:50:00.000-05:00

10:49 pm--at this very moment, i'm the smartest i've ever been.

i hope it lasts until 4pm tomorrow.

Half-full

2005-11-14T22:35:00.000-05:00

Studying for comprehensive exams STINKS, but it is a great excuse to do the following things:

1) eat whatever you feel like, no matter the financial or health costs

2) take in whatever drug serves your immediate purposes: caffeine, alcohol, muscle relaxers (by prescription, of course!)

3) actually learn something "comprehensive"

4) buy "study shoes"

5) unabashedly welcome all attention, sympathy and reassurance of your superior intelligence from not-studying-for-comps-friends (hint, hint ;) )

3 more days!!!

when will Georgia boys learn

2005-11-12T17:28:00.000-05:00

red pants are not attractive on men. ever.

and niether are pink shirts, for that matter, except in very rare cases.

just wondering

2005-11-11T23:15:00.000-05:00

aren't to-do lists supposed to get shorter the more work you do?

because the more i research & study, the more research & studying i realize i still have left.

(and my bloggings are increasingly negative, too...)

take that, asheville

2005-11-11T07:31:00.000-05:00

at 1:45 am, darren wakes me up saying "Jenna, get out of bed!", much to my surprise and alarm.

is there a fire? is there a some strange creature in the bed?

nope. there are deer about 10 feet from our window having a midnight snack. two full grown deer.

it was quite a sight at 1:45 am. after a few minutes in awe, i had to convince darren to go back to sleep, which he finally did when the motion-activated porch light went off.

reminiscing

2005-11-07T22:56:00.000-05:00

10:57 pm. chicken nuggets, french fries, cherry coke and 2 pages to go on a paper.

ah, yes...it's as if i were in college all over again...

oh, wait. i am.

when will this ever end?

Disclaimer:

2005-11-03T15:20:00.000-05:00

number of weeks until jenna's comprehensive master's exams: 2

number of papers jenna has due before said exams: 4

number of people jenna can hang out with before exams: 0

if i call you to hang out, please tell me no, what the hell am i thinking, shouldn't i be reading critical articles about the Spanish Golden Age or writing essays on the cultural transvestism of Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic as shown in the novel Sirena Selena vestida de pena???

thanks. :)

the case against moral relativism

2005-10-29T18:12:00.000-04:00

HUFU.

What is it? Find out at www.eathufu.com/home.asp

Top Five (or so...) Reasons to Study at Panera (instead of Hot Corner)

2005-10-28T19:03:00.000-04:00

1. Classical music at a reasonable background volume (not loud, scary, feel-like-you're-walking-though-a-haunted-house-full-of-screaming-children-music)

2. soup in a bread bowl (not soup not in a bread bowl)

3. free internet and unlimited free coffee refills (not unlimited-free-coffee-refills-with-a-guilty-conscience)

4. managers that recognize former employees and give them free stuff (not non-managers who are too towny-cool to acknowledge that they recognize you, even though they take your order five times a week)

5. A. trash cans that are emptied regularly (not trash cans that are always too full to even precariously balance your empty cup on the top of the other overflowing cups)

B. friendly staff who bus your table for you (not unfriendly staff who don't)

C. running into normal people you know (not the weirdos-you-wish-you-didn't-know*)

*this category does not include Karen, Mitch, or...well, i think they're the only normal people i've ever run into at Hot Corner...

amor constante

2005-10-27T20:01:00.000-04:00

once i again i cave to peer pressure. Becca's awesome poetry posting, all regarding the seasonal theme of death, has inspired me to post one of my own favorite death poems, by Francisco de Quevedo.

AMOR CONSTANTE MÁS ALLÁ DE LA MUERTE

Cerrar podrá mis ojos la postrera
sombra, que me llevare el blanco día;
y podrá desatar esta alma mía
hora a su afán ansioso lisonjera;

mas no de esotra parte en la ribera
dejará la memoria en donde ardía;
nadar sabe mi llama la agua fría,
y perder el respeto a ley severa;

alma a quien todo un Dios prisión ha sido,
venas que humor a tanto fuego han dado,
medulas que han gloriosamente ardido,

su cuerpo dejarán, no su cuidado;
serán ceniza, mas tendrá sentido;
polvo serán, mas polvo enamorado.

and (so becca doesn't get mad at me!) here's the brutal english translation, which does absolutely no justice to the original.

(Love constant beyond Death

Perhaps whatever final shadow that
the shining day may bring could close my eyes,
and this my soul may well be set aflight
by time responding to its longing sighs;
but it will not, there on the farther shore
its memory leave behind, where once it burned:
my flame the icy current yet can swim,
and so severe a law can surely spurn.

Soul by no less than a god confined,
veins that such a blazing fire have fueled,
marrow to its glorious flames consigned:

the body will abandon, not its woes;
will soon be ash, but ash that is aware;
dust will be, but dust whose love still grows.)

Mach 3 for monday

2005-10-24T14:43:00.000-04:00

Occam's Razor: Given two equally predictive theories, choose the simpler.

Blore's Razor: When given a choice between two theories, take the one that is funnier.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

do you know the muffin...bomb?

2005-10-20T16:23:00.000-04:00

mmmm...they look so delicious don't they?

so harmless...

until one day...
...
...

the muffin bomber attacks! and you, unsuspecting teaching assistant, are covered in gooey suicide muffin guts.

yup, blueberries and all.

(campus police blocked off an entire block of Lumpkin St. this morning to investigate a bomb threat in the Student Learning Center. the reportedly suspicious package turned out to be a misplaced box of muffins. on a side note, there was apparently no need to notify persons inside the SLC of said threat, including myself and my endearing spanish 1110 class.)

update

2005-10-17T15:44:00.000-04:00

here it is folks:

Golden Peanut Factory, Ashburn, GA

jeopardy, anyone?

2005-10-15T10:54:00.000-04:00

Category: Conference Trips to Florida

100 pts: This is the title of Jenna's new super-fun-for-driving mixed CD

200 pts: This is what Jenna had to pay for gas to Gainesville, FL from Athens, and back.

300 pts: This is song that was playing when Jenna learned of an extension on a major paper that she still hadn't written

400 pts: This is the difference between presenting a paper in a session about poetry, versus a session on any other topic.

500 pts: You will only see this on I-75 between Valdosta and Macon

Gimme your best guesses, in the form of a question, of course.

(winner gets...uh...something cool.)

just adorable

2005-10-07T20:28:00.000-04:00

(Disclaimer: this is not our child, she belongs to Johnmark and Taylor Battaglia)

bandwagon autumn post

2005-10-03T17:55:00.000-04:00

today was little green bible day on the UGA campus. they think they're witnessing, but they really are just there to announce the arrival of fall.

thanks little green bible men.

"this day's been crazy, but everything's happened on schedule

2005-09-26T07:48:00.000-04:00

from the rain and the cold, to the drink that i spilled on my shirt."

okay, so it's not rainy or cold, but i did spill coffee on my white shirt 30 seconds after i pulled out of the driveway at 7:15am.

moral of the story: stop being so lazy, and put a freaking lid on the travel mug.

Intellectual Property?

2005-09-24T20:18:00.000-04:00

i am unabashedly stealing this from my brother's sister-in-law's blog, which she told him on his blog that he could steal. so i'm sure she won't mind, but chris will. for the first time, it'll be true when he says "you're still copying me, even though you did it first."

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will give you a nickname.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

stuff on cats

2005-09-22T14:16:00.000-04:00

my new favorite website, courtesy of Ms. Melissa Hicks.

Preponderance of fright

2005-09-19T22:33:00.000-04:00

While writing an activity for my students using comparisons of inequality, a baffling question came to mind:

Who is more frightening, Cristina Ricci or Cameron Diaz?

I vote for the latter, since she always looks ready to devour someone's face.

But more importantly, has there ever been a more frightening man on film than Steve Buscemi?

¿Cómo se dice...masoquista?

2005-09-15T16:47:00.000-04:00

recent email:

Hi, I am a transfer student at UGA majoring in
Social Work. This semester I am enrolled in Spanish 1101 and not
my best subject by far. I saw your name and contact information on the Romance Language web site. I was inquiring about your
torturing services.

Thanks,
"Jane Doe"

incriminating photos

2005-08-31T23:31:00.000-04:00

well, i have to say, we were more than a little surprised to learn about Feral's secret night life....needless to say, we'll be keeping a close eye on the likker at the party this weekend....

papa needs to recognize.

2005-08-30T23:51:00.000-04:00

Instance One:

08/23/05
"Thank you for calling Papa John's, etc...."

"Yeah, I'd like to order a large pizza with onions and bell peppers."

"Uh, we don't have bell peppers. Do you want green peppers instead?"

Yes, please give me THOSE peppers INSTEAD.

Instance Two:

08/30/05

"Thank you for calling Papa John's, etc...."

"Yeah, I'd like to order a large pizza with onions and bell peppers."

"You mean green peppers?"

Yup, THOSE.

Now let's think about this. There really is only one kind of pepper that resembles a bell in its natural state. It comes in different colors, sure. Green, yellow, red, even purple. But do you carry those colors at Papa John's? No. So is the modifier "green" really necessary? No.

However, Papa John's does carry various other types of peppers, all of which are greenish in color: pepperoncini, banana peppers, jalapeños....All much spicier than a bell pepper. And all green. But none were ever shaped like a bell, except the BELL pepper.

Now, let's take it a step further.

A quick search through Google images of "green pepper":

There's no telling what could end up on your pizza.

Now a search for "bell pepper":

Ah, yes. THAT is what I want on my pizza.

is this really my life

2005-08-24T23:04:00.000-04:00

it's looking that way.

thinking in clichés

2005-08-22T17:25:00.000-04:00

today was hot as...

+ ING

in a..

!!!

[many thanks to an old friend who coined this phrase for me]

God is not a secret, and this is also a song

2005-08-20T15:22:00.000-04:00

last night darren and i were chatting with a new grad student in his department who was destined to live in athens, though he's spent the last 15 years in massachussetts. he mentioned a band named the Silver Jews, which i vaguely recognized. my mind went slowing chugging back to a creative writing class i took several years ago at UGA. i said, "the lead singer's a poet", not actually recalling who the lead singer was. but the swedish-born massachusetts scholar knew: david berman.

if i've talked to you about contemporary poetry ever, i've talked to you about david berman's book Actual Air. i may have forced you to listen to some of the poems. it's incredible.

so this morning i was fondly remembering some of my favorite poems by david berman & thought i'd make a post about him.

Top Five Poems by David Berman:

1. Self-Portrait at 28
2. Imagining Defeat
3. Classic Water
4. New York, New York
5. Snow

i can't find a couple of them online...so i might post them here later.

anyway, here are some excerpts from Self-Portait at 28, in case i haven't convinced you yet that you should go read these poems. this one is a longer poem, but absolutely worth it (which is impressive since i tend to dislike long poems).

It is a certain hill
the one I imagine when I hear the word "hill"
and if the apocalypse turns out
to be a world-wide nervous breakdown
if our five billion minds collapse at once
well I'd call that a surprise ending
and this hill would still be beautiful
a place I wouldn't mind dying
alone or with you.
....
You see there is a window by my desk
I stare out when I am stuck
though the outdoors has rarely inspired me to write
and I don't know why I keep staring at it.
....
Today is the first day of Lent
and once again I'm not really sure what it is.
How many more years will I let pass
before I take the trouble to ask someone?
....
It's just that our advances are irrepressible.
Nowadays little kids can't even set up lemonade stands.
It makes people too self-conscious about the past,
though try explaining that to a kid.

"we'll see"

2005-08-18T10:41:00.000-04:00

from an email entitled "Open Letter to UGA students":

To our 4,600 incoming freshmen, our incoming transfers and
new graduate students "Welcome to UGA!" And to the rest
of the 33,400 in the student body, a hearty "Welcome back!"

You are now part of one of America's great public research
universities. As you embark on the new academic year, I
hope you will share my excitement about the great things
happening on this campus.

Our freshmen are part of the most academically qualified
incoming class in UGA history, with an average SAT of 1242
and GPA of 3.72.

etc.

i heard it's green

2005-08-12T17:43:00.000-04:00

my own personal hell: a never-ending day of frustrated errand-running.

especially when the root of this frustration is yuppy, SUV-wielding college freshmen.*

what's yours???

*there, now i have renewed my status as a true athens resident by exhibiting my anger at the return of "the students". you have to do that every year or the county fines you.

inspiring procrastination

2005-08-11T21:58:00.000-04:00

should be an art.

and i should win an award for my superior blog-inspiring techniques. since i (finally) sent out an email about the existence of my blog, two new blogs have blossomed in the garden of cyberspace:

www.crawdaddylonglegs.blogspot.com
www.the-rock-lobster.blogspot.com

and they're wittier than mine. thanks. now i might have to pull some drama a-la-rob to get any real love.

in other news, we now have internet at our house. we didn't go outside all day. that's not true; darren went out a few minutes ago to check the mail.

we haven't actually been on the internet all day, although i do foresee more frequent posts in the future. we spent most of the day doing little things around the house, watching a great movie, and eating homemade mango-filled crepes dusted with powdered sugar and drizzled with mango syrup.

in other words, we trying to distract ourselves from the dreadful reality that school starts in one week.

no soy latina

2005-08-08T16:01:00.000-04:00

Cuántos de mis amigos me pueden entender? uf, caramba! dónde están mis amigos?

ah, están aquí!

unos poemas:

RIMA XXI

—¿Qué es poesía?, dices, mientras clavas
en mi pupila tu pupila azul,
¡Qué es poesía! ¿Y tú me lo preguntas?
Poesía... eres tú.

Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer

ARTE POÉTICA

Que el verso sea como una llave
que abra mil puertas.
Una hoja cae; algo pasa volando;
cuanto miren los ojos creado sea,
y el alma del oyente quede temblando.

Inventa mundos nuevos y cuida tu palabra;
el adjetivo, cuando no da vida, mata.

Estamos en el ciclo de los nervios.
El músculo cuelga,
como recuerdo, en los museos;
mas no por eso tenemos menos fuerza:
el vigor verdadero
reside en la cabeza.

Por qué cantáis la rosa, ¡oh poetas!
hacedla florecer en el poema.

Sólo para nosotros viven
todas las cosas bajo el sol.

El poeta es un pequeño Dios.

Vicente Huidobro